The society is broken, people are broken. Hence coaching will have only higher value. And that applies in all spheres of life - sport (where coaching came from), business, personal affairs, and especially the defunct adult industry which counts under personal affairs. Men who have to pay for women have problems somewhere in life. That's a pragmatic fact no matter how rude, crass, coarse, raw, or confrontational it may sound to some readers. Many of the men who must recourse to buying sex or even human company have problems that reach far more widely than the men themselves. Examples are problems with children, partners, work... but mainly expressing feelings. When it all becomes too much, they resort to escapism - or therapy.

There's a difference between therapy and coaching, and I'm a coach.  Coaching is appropriate for people who do basically well and want to do better. An example is that men have enough money, good families, dearly love their partners, but want more better intimacy. So they do basically well in life, but want to do better in one sphere which isn't good and therefore negatively affects other spheres of life.

While escapism feels good, it is a short-term distraction that does not fix the root cause. It can moreover create dependence, addiction, ugly vicious circles which can destroy lives in the long term if they circle too far out of control. Plus the people who earn from these false pleasures do not add value, but rather deepen the misery.

Coaching is not the same as having sex. Men want sex because sex is deeply wired in them and they need it. But men also have sex as an escape route from the hassle of having to sort out family problems or upset their home comforts. Some men profess that sex with strangers is the spice of life, fun, exciting, raises the adrenaline. This is a valid point. But no matter what anyone says, the fact that if a man must buy sex or even just human company, it reflects a sad  soul.

I could be one of the billions of women who sell sex on escort and "escort" directories. I could be the billion first who deepens the misery and cares only about how much she gets. But I never liked and never will like being of the billions. And I care firstly about contributing something clean and valuable to individuals and thus the society and secondly about how much I get. So I advertise coaching among ads for sex because why not? And also because that is where men will find it and pay attention when they find it. Why not do something different? Many a radical idea changed the world. If only I could change the worlds of these successful yet sad men, I would. Why not?

If you have been a friend for years, I dearly hope that you will let me continue to change yours. And if you are a stranger who came across this article by serendipity, I would like to change yours.

The post An Ad for Coaching Among Ads for Sex? appeared first on Female Independent Holistic Companion London - Toronto - International.

Ayurveda

Ayurveda is a Sanskrit word which means the science of life. And a very profound science and the oldest of all sciences it is indeed! It has no beginning and no end, hence no one knows exactly when it came to existence. We know only that it has existed for more than 5,000 years - and longer every day as time flies. It originates in India, but does not belong to the Indians. Ayurveda is for everyone in every country and its mission is to heal the world. It heals if used well, for it is a medical system. But it is not only a medical system. It incorporates quantum physics, philosophy, psychology, and much more. And of course, Ayurveda - the science of life - incorporates sex! More will become clear as you read on.

Ayurveda teaches that the human body consists of three fundamental categories: doshas (subtle elements)dhatus (plasma, blood, muscles, fat, bones, bone marrow, reproductive fluids) and malas

The doshas and the elements

The dhatus and malas are not relevant for the topic of this article. Like everything else, the doshas (literal translation is faults) comprise the five basic elements. And different elements predominate in different doshas. Every person has the three doshas. And their proportion forms the genetic makeup - the physical constitution - of every person. The first dosha is vata, composed of space and air. The second dosha is pitta, composed of fire and water. And the third dosha is kapha, composed of water and earth. This information will be useful later.

As Sanskrit is a profound language and the English language is not sufficient for accurately translating words from Sanskrit, the names of the doshas are difficult to translate into western terms.  The closest translation of vata is the bodily air - the principle of movement - that which moves everything in the body. But the air in the external atmosphere is not the same as the air in the body. Vata is the subtle energy that governs all movement in and of the body.

Pitta is translated as fire, although the term does not mean the fire of a candle or in a fireplace. It is the digestive fire, the bodily heat energy which manifests as metabolism. Pitta governs digestion, absorption, assimilation, nutrition, metabolism, temperature, skin coloration, the lustre of the eyes, intelligence, and understanding. Pitta out of balance arouses anger, hatred, fierce competition, and jealousy.

The translation of kapha is biological water. Water is the main constituent of kapha,  therefore kapha governs everything liquid in the body and more. However, as kapha also has earth predominant, kapha holds all the elements of the body together, gives physical structure, and maintains resistance. Kapha is also responsible for  attachment, greed, longstanding envy, calmness, forgiveness and love.

A balance among the doshas is necessary for health. The air principle kindles the bodily fire, but water is necessary to control the fire so that the fire does not burn everything. Vata moves kapha and pitta since kapha and pitta are immobile.

The attributes of the doshas

To understand why your partner does not want sex when you do we must know the attributes - qualities - of the doshas. So the attributes of vata are light, clear, cold, mobile, dry, rough, subtle. Imagine cold air flying out of a bottle and you will know the attributes of vata. Pitta is oily, light, hot, sharp, mobile = spreading, smelling badly, liquid. Imagine bile and you'll know the attributes of pitta. Kapha is heavy, cold, oily, sticky, dull, soft, firm. Imagine mud and you'll know the attributes of kapha.

Of course, the attributes also manifest in the psychological and emotional sphere. And this is the bridge to the topic of this article. So since vata is like cold air out of a bottle, vata people want to fly - without direction. They're often creative. Indeed, many artists are vata. And due to the subtle attribute of vata they're immensely happy cheerful folks when they are balanced. The light and mobile qualities of vata make them want to fly from thing to thing - and from relationship to relationship! They're therefore quick to start and just as quick to finish things and relationships if they have the direction to finish them at all! Their speaking and acting can be immensely chaotic as one cannot tell air which way to fly!

Imbalanced vata is insecure, afraid, anxious, often low on confidence. Vata people therefore often stay in relationships out of fear of being alone even if they don't want to be in them if they don't have the confidence to finish them. Hence vata people either finish relationships quickly as they get bored easily or bottle feelings up and stay in relationships out of fear even if they don't want to be in them. They are also unfortunately often misunderstood by society as the western society is set up by and for pitta people.

The western society is set up by and for pitta people. Hence life has an order and everything has a place and time. The sharp quality of pitta makes pitta people's minds sharp, which lands them in high and leading positions at work. Most world and spiritual leaders are and were pitta. Pitta people are direct, don't waste words, and mean their words. The hot quality of pitta makes pitta people's tempers flare quickly. It is easy for them to get angry, especially when they are imbalanced. Pitta people don't suffer fools gladly and forgive, but never forget. The mobile - spreading - quality of pitta makes pitta people competitive and eager to spread their fame, be the best, be respected and recognised, and leave their mark or legacy.

The badly smelling quality of pitta perhaps or certainly unconsciously is why pitta people love perfumes and all things smelling greatly. They often have a lot of perfumes and like their clean organised homes to smell great as well. The predominant elements of pitta are fire and water. Fire is connected to vision, water is connected to taste. Pitta people are therefore highly visual and thus like food, homes, clothes, things nicely presented. They often seek luxury and do well in luxurious environments.

Imbalanced pitta is highly flammable, angry, hating, jealous. Imbalanced pitta people are also often arrogant, competitive through dead bodies, and domineering.

If you imagine a person who is heavy, cold, oily, sticky, dull, soft, firm, the fact that kapha people are set in their ways won't surprise you. They act slowly, and that can be very dull for people who want to fly or get results! Kapha people live in and love with the whole hearts. They care, share, and act with soft smiles. They're definitely down to earth and earthy. After all, one of the predominant elements of kapha is earth!

An imbalanced kapha is extremely attached to things, wealth, and people. Attachment can grow to greed. And longstanding envy is another negative trait of kapha.

How Ayurveda explains different preferences for sex

The light and mobile attributes of vata make people of this dosha have high sex drive and want sex quickly and immediately as the urge for it arises. When they have it, it lasts short. Vata men most often ejaculate much more quickly than they'd like and then feel that after ejaculation there's nothing else to give in the act of intimacy. The physical need is satisfied. And premature ejaculating often brings insecurity and fear of not being good enough for their partners. Hence they're as quick with the act of sex as they are with everything else in life at large.

We now know that pitta people like order, fare well in a routine, and everything has a place and time. So does sex. Pitta people like to have sex by appointment as they are busy with their often high or leading positions at work and high lives - often in luxurious dimensions! Pitta people are highly visual and therefore like order, cleanliness, colour coordination, and presentation that pleases the eyes. This is where their desire for preparing the right atmosphere for sex comes from. Candlelight, rose petals on the neat bed, the right type of music, and a nice scent in the air is a matter of course. A nice meal with some wine and then a bath or shower and perfumes are part of the preparatory ritual for sex.

Kapha people already live in and with their hearts. Hence they welcome, but don't need a luxurious atmosphere for sex. Albeit they have very high sex drive, their slow heavy attributes don't pull them to start sex. In fact, to get many kapha people to make love can be a challenge even though their high sex drive makes this a total paradox. But once you manage to get them into the mood, they're immensely attentive lovers. And the high sex drive will finally be clear to you when they show you how they can keep going while you're exhausted after the best orgasm of your life!

How Ayurveda explains why your partner doesn't always want sex when you do

Now this should be clearer. Vata people - air out of a bottle - are quick. To sail through a pitta partner's conditions and preparatory ceremony for sex bores and confuses them. Pitta people like to enjoy sex in style. Style has conditions and takes preparation. Vata partners do not have patience for that. And pitta people will rarely yield an inch from their principles! While pitta people prepare for sex, kapha partners fall asleep! When everything is ready, pitta partners must wake kapha partners up and warm them up into the mood! Vata people are too quick for kapha partners. Kapha partners are too slow for vata partners.

So what to do? Well, you have done the first thing. You can now hopefully guess whether your partner is vata, pitta, or kapha and which type you are. And you now understand the dynamic between you and your partner. When we understand, we have a choice to act. We can get our partners involved in the preparations for sex. One lights the candles, the other makes the bed... When both partners work together, the anticipation rises. Vata people will be too busy to think about quickly satisfying the urge. Kapha people will be too busy to fall asleep. Pitta people will get the style. Everyone will be happy.

By the way, if you cannot guess which type you are, contact me. I will give you a chart according to which you will determine your constitution. And when you know how to determine your constitution = type, you will be able to determine anyone's. I'm always here for you - the men of the world. And I'll write about Ayurveda and matters of sex more as I learn more.

The post Ayurveda Explains Why Your Partner Doesn't Want Sex When You Do appeared first on Female Independent Holistic Companion London - Toronto - International.

The problem lies in the fact that...

Men make the mistake of being impatient and wanting to go straight to sex. This unfortunately applies especially when men pay for supposedly deep connection, because men presuppose that the connection will automatically be deep as soon as they hand in the cash. But the reality is that even the women whom these men pay are human beings and connection between humans doesn't happen at the wave of a banknote. Sex physicalises the connection between two people. When the connection is strong, the sex has high quality. When the connection is weak, the sex is mechanical. And when a connection doesn't exist, the sex is mechanical, soulless, out of obligation.

Obligation comes into play especially when men who seek deep connection pay for sex, because women do it for money. The fact that sex physicalises the connection between two people means that the quality of sex is always a mirror of the quality of the connection. Connection is not the same as love. One doesn't have to love to have sex. But one has to connect to have sex. And since women do it for money, men seeking deep connection will ironically very rarely get it for banknotes. I don't have to repeat myself - I already said it here.

2 examples

Think of your connection with the wife, girlfriend, or life partner. Or if you're single, think of the connection with ex partners. If you are reading these words, your connection with the woman of your life can't be strong. If it was, you wouldn't be surfing the net! Another example of this principle is that when two people meet, they are physically attracted to each other. The attraction draws them to being together. They develop connection through conversation. The more they find in common, know each other's beliefs, values, humour, personality, outlook on life, the stronger their connection grows. The stronger the connection, the more sex they have. This is why couples have the most sex in the first months of acquaintance. The other end of the continuum are couples married for decades that let the connection fizzle out. Where's sex? Nowhere. Men go online seeking it from prostitutes.

How will men who seek deep connection succeed?

Men should remember that patience is a virtue even when they pay for sex. The natural progression of creating a connection is:

1. man meets woman = physical attraction
2. the two people connect through conversations. They connect through what they have in common, how they think, beliefs, values, interests, intellect, personality, sense of humour, outlook on life.
3. the connection becomes strong = physical attraction.

If men go online seeking deep connection, they are responsible for starting it.  Waving banknotes won't do it. Hence they must do it. When a man finds a woman who physically attracts him, he contacts her. Because he started the contact, he must make an effort to start the connection. If a woman does what she advertises to do, she will quickly continue to build a connection with the man. The man will know that he has found a gem. If the woman doesn't continue building a connection, the man will know that she's a money making machine whom he should avoid.

...and the benefits to all the men who seek deep connection will be...

Gentlemen, be patient and patience will definitely be a virtue. When you have the deep connection that you've been seeking (for years), you won't have to spend more time, money, and energy on seeking more. You'll look forward to seeing the woman with whom you connected and she will look forward to seeing you! That's how it should be because if we are to be true to seeking deep connection, then we should look forward to seeing each other again and again. After all, that's also the point of paying for connection! If you can't sustain free connections, you should definitely sustain connections for which you pay! But it takes two to tango - it takes two to deep connection. So you, men, are equal parts of the process. Remember this. The rewards will be amazing!

The post To Men Who Seek Deep Connection Online appeared first on Female Independent Holistic Companion London - Toronto - International.

I often hear men say that "but my wife doesn't have a strong sex drive". Gentlemen, remember that a woman does not need sex as much and often as a man. A woman can be without sex for long and not miss it. That's a fact of life - women are different. But when you get a woman into it, she'll last longer than you, because that is another difference between the sexes. So don't worry about her sex drive. Worry about getting her into it. And there are ways to do so. Consistently apply these ways and be patient. You'll see that she will change and intimacy will come back to you. The good news is that it is very easy to begin. Start on the levels of environment and behaviour. They are the easiest to change and can have the strongest impact.

How to get intimacy into marriage or partnership

1. Buy several pillar or even votive candles and place them on the dinner table and in the bedroom. Start lighting a candle for dinners. It's a small gesture of something very profound. Again, think how this small change to your daily dinner would make you feel if someone did it to you. You'll then know exactly how it will feel to wifey!

2. Buy some ecological and romantic form of room fragrance - an oil burner and oils to burn in it or incense sticks are best. Burn the fragrance in the evenings when you and she are at home together. Votive candles are another option, but their scent is too weak.

3. Start buying your lady little gifts. Chocolate, flowers, a candle, her favourite tea... the little daily things that she likes. Small inexpensive things. I don't know a person who doesn't like getting presies, especially if they're a total surprise - spontaneous on an ordinary day, not conditioned by holidays. These gifts will make a tremendous impact and would to you if you received them!

4. Start doing small acts of service for her that you haven't done for years. Example: make her coffee or tea or make the bed... something small mundane like that. Or secretly repair what has been broken for long and let her find it fixed.

Halfway...

5. Start touching her daily. Examples: touch her shoulder when passing her, put your hand on her thigh when sitting with her, stroke her hair while passing her once in a while, or something like that.  A small touch in passing during the day.  Nothing sexual yet.

6. When you thank her for having done or helped you with something, kiss her on the cheek or forehead or stroke her hair.  This is another small gesture that will go a long way.

7. Celebrate Valentine's Day. Light all those candles on Valentine's evening and go to bed at the same time as she. If you start touching her during the day on the day after reading this, you'll have been touching her for some time by the next Valentine's Day. That will have prepared the perfect ground for cuddling up to her in the candlelight on Valentine's eve. Just cuddle, nothing sexual yet. Tell her that you've loved her for all the years while you weren't intimate and will always love and protect her.  You miss the intimacy very much and would love to rekindle the magic that drove you to the altar or life together if you are not married. While telling her this just stroke her hair, shoulder, or arm. And see how her heart will start melting... and even if Valentine's eve doesn't bloom into making love, you'll have gone a long way.

8. Take up dancing together.  Dancing returns magic to couples like nothing else! It's not surprising: Where do most people go to get sex for one night? To nightclubs! Because the atmosphere of the flickering disco lights, rhythm pumping through the body, sexy movements of sexily dressed bodies, and the steam from the DJ's steam machine turn us on. And so it therefore is that most relationships formed in nightclubs don't last because they're based on sex and carnal attraction. But dance is making love to music. It indeed takes two to tango. It teaches both dancers to lead and follow, to attune to each other - a powerful metaphor for life in partnership. Dance is a form of art which both dancers create. We're fulfilled and happy when we create. Hence dance makes us happy. Dance regularly - every two weeks. Make dancing an activity to look forward to.

And finally...

Try these ways, and these ways may inspire you to invent other ways. And you are always welcome to tell me about your progress. A companion in the true sense of the word, and especially a good coach is liberating to confide in. I worked on myself and evolved over the decades. Now I am far more experienced in life and therefore able to add value to frustrated married men who want to know how to get intimacy back into marriage or partnership. I helped many to rekindle intimacy in their partnerships. So I can always help you. Have YOUR interests at heart before mine. And I remind you that you'll need patience as the wifey or partner won't change overnight. But patience is a virtue, is it not?

The post How Married Men Can Get Intimacy Into Marriage Again appeared first on Female Independent Holistic Companion London - Toronto - International.

What's wrong with the society? Why do younger and younger men call for adult services? Shouldn't young men get sex naturally the most easily due to their vitality, rich social lives, and charm? Why do boys as young as eight watch porn?  Or why do more and more men of all ages buy sex by text message? Doesn't it fly in the face of intimacy? Wanting to be intimate with another human being? How will men resolve sexual deprivation if they don't even want to speak to the people with whom they want to have sex? Why do men still assault women when they can easily buy sex? Where's this world going?

There're solid reasons why the adult industry doesn't serve the society how it should

The first reason is that the adult industry sells an unrealistic fantasy of something as beautiful as sex. Sex is as old as humanity. After all, sex created humanity. And some say that sex sells, even though I question this notion, and so will you when you read the first paragraphs of this article. Due to sex being as old as humanity the adult industry is too ingrained in society. Not all in the industry are mercenary, but the market is set as people are prepared to pay big.

The chief reason is of course money. Human nature gets greedy... And so do people in the adult industry.  People go into the adult industry for the money. After all, it's a well known fact that many people who work in the adult industry earn good money tax free. And what a machine the industry is! Unregulated too! People who go into the adult industry don't have to study for years. Yet some earn as well as people in the noble professions who had to study for years. So money moves the world - and makes people greedy.

When we have it good, good is never enough

And greed is another major reason. When people get greedy, they want to do less for more.  Rates go up, the amount and value of service go down. And that's where the problem starts and ends around a full circle. Women charge crazy money for no value, in fact for what every human being should get free of charge and what should never be commercialised. Even the richest clients have expenses and therefore finite money. Unless they have more money than brains they must also budget and mostly can't afford liaisons with adult "entertainers" often. If the wives don't give them enough or any sex, the low frequency of men seeing adult entertainers doesn't solve sexual deprivation.

And the ultimate reason is the mindset. People go into the adult industry with the mindset of counting the money. They don't go in with the mindset of care, compassion, and treating people as human beings. I'm talking about people who go into the adult industry by choice, not by force. But nonetheless, the mindset is exactly what makes the difference.

Webmasters of adult websites don't help either

Webmasters of adult websites make the adult industry worse to a very large extent. And they make money from the misery! Why? Because they advertise misleadingly, categorise people inappropriately, advertise virtual sex, webcam videos, and artificial intelligence. None of it solves sexual deprivation because virtual sex will never be the same as sex in person. Another reason is that being stuck to screens hooked on virtual material isolates people from human contact - and encourages addictions... People usually surf adult sites alone. So how does that solve sexual deprivation when it isolates people? Sexual deprivation can be solved only by having sex in person! Sex on an electronic device won't replace healing human contact. Electronic sex will only breed and nurture addicted followers who have lost the art of social graces and what it is to be human.

And yes, there are webmasters who did not publish this article on the blogs of their sites to which I contribute! Is that a surprise? Not to me.

The adult industry could fulfil its role in the society again...

...but every individual involved in it would have to do his and her part to make it work.  People who work in it would have to start doing it with care for the human beings to whom they - ironically and paradoxically - purport to sell connection, intimacy, and what should be the most beautiful act between human beings. The people who finance it should do so with common sense, using the brain when choosing entertainers, and no tolerance for bad performance, scams, and lies. There're many men who don't have the heart not to pay for bad service. They say "I just paid her and left". But by doing so they encourage bad service.  One must sometimes be cruel to be kind. That's life.

Those who make good money from scamming would have to stop. Of course that and none of what I wrote in the previous paragraph will happen because human nature won't stop being greedy. But if every consumer played his part by buying adult services with common sense and questioning what doesn't feel right, scammers would have to stop.  And people who have been scammed would have to start using their brains so as not to fall prey again.

Honesty is the best policy. It's not rocket science, just simple honesty. Why do people in the adult industry think that luring buyers by scamming and lying is right? The best business is always done with a clean conscience and a smile on the face and in the heart. The best deals are won by and with honesty. And honesty is also what keeps customers coming back. Scamming is not necessary. And I guarantee you that even if scammers profit from dishonesty, we would all profit much more from honesty.

Consumers and webmasters of adult websites, you have the power to start changing the situation

The consumer always has the power to keep someone or something (not) existing in the world. The principle is exactly the same as with products. If people want something to be in the world, they buy it. And the reverse applies too. If buyers of adult entertainers and services buy with common sense, buyers will start the circle of improvement. Because if buyers don't suffer fools, lies, scams, and bad service gladly, workers will have to start being honest and improve their game. And if buyers buy with their heads - inform themselves about who they buy, they won't finance bad people.

The decent solid sexually frustrated citizen has long lost faith in women who - ironically - purport to fix his frustration. He knows that those women won't change. So if they won't, he can. Losing trust is understandable. But not doing anything to make things better doesn't help him nor anyone either. So you, the buyer for whom the adult industry exists, have the power to start a change for the better. It's never too late in this case. In fact, the sooner you start, the better. You, dear reader, should be one of those solid sexually frustrated citizens, because I wrote this article for you, not for workers in the adult industry. So I dearly hope that these words inspire you to start...

Finally...

And if these words do not inspire you to start and you can't be bothered, then the best way to contribute is not to engage with the adult industry. Not buying what you know that won't solve your problem. Buying what will, even if it may not always directly have to do with sex.  There is more to life than sex. Sex does not solve everything. Perhaps getting some good coaching may be exactly the way out of sexual frustration - and many other frustrations! It will certainly not create an addiction, and will get rid of the problems that lead you to buying sex. I cordially invite you to consider or even try it!

The post Why the Adult Industry Doesn't Fulfil Its Role in Society appeared first on Female Independent Holistic Companion London - Toronto - International.

I always tell men who present the argument of my three roles conflicting with or contradicting one another that just like Apple looks after a man's technological needs, I look after a man's wellbeing. There's nothing conflicting nor contradicting about Apple selling computers, software, accessories, cases, phones, music players, accessories for them, and workshops. Apple is one stop for all technological needs of a human being. Hence instead of conflicting or contradicting it offers a whole package.

Companion, massage therapist, men's coach...

All my roles beautifully complement and enrich each other in the same way.  A massage therapist works with energy. A coach also works with energy in relationships with oneself and others. A companion hears about all sorts in conversations with the people whom she accompanies to the most diverse places and settings. The conversations which I have with people when I'm their companion enrich me as a coach. And vice versa when I use coaching in conversations to offer people new perspectives and ways to find solutions to things that they'd like to have better.

Energy is everywhere whether we see it or not.  Light is energy. Wind is energy, every person has energy. The role of a massage therapist gives me the privilege to get intimate with people on a level which conversations don't access. This profound level allows me to be attuned to people like no standard coach who doesn't combine coaching with massage. And also like no massage therapist who doesn't have training in coaching. Men open up when they relax during massage. And when they open up, they release all kinds of things.  I can help as a coach. And there's a good chance that I've heard their plights in conversation with someone whom I accompanied on a date or trip...

Massage enriches health. I coach on health, relationships, work, money, success. Hence I use a lot of knowledge of massage in coaching on health. And vice versa. When a man comes to me for a massage, I gladly offer suggestions, advice, or recommendations of nutrition, fitness, and other aspects of physical and mental health. I wouldn't do so if I didn't draw on knowledge and experience as a coach!

How the three roles enrich me - and the men who want me in their lives

Many men, most often strangers, very quickly observe that I'm very astute.  The astuteness is due exactly to the complementation of my three roles. A person who massages naked bodies, coaches naked souls, and accompanies [sometimes naked] people is inevitably far more astute than a person who performs any of these roles singly.

My role as a coach sharpens my communication and makes me astute to misunderstandings before they happen. I relate to people's differences better than a person who isn't a coach. I solve awkward situations, conversations, subjects more elegantly and easily than a person who isn't a coach. As a companion I gather experiences from all walks of life. They enrich my life and coaching. When a man reveals a subject super sensitive to him, I accept it easily because I've most likely heard it a hundred times before...

My roles as a companion and coach teach me to relate well to people of all styles of communication with all types of character. Relating well makes people comfortable with me. And when we're comfortable with the massage therapist, we'll easily relax during a massage! My role as a massage practitioner encourages me to look after my health - practise what I preach - and gather experiences of whether the tips that I share in articles on this page of my site work, what health is like, and the difference between being healthy and not being ill. Of course, I can then happily enrich coaching men on their health with my experience of it.

So finally...

if you have viewed my roles as a companion, massage therapist, and coach as conflicting or contradicting, you'll hopefully understand why they are indeed the opposite. Why they beautifully complement each other and form a holistic package which no other woman out there offers. And which the people of today's world desperately need! Even the adult industry does not fulfil its role in society now. Hence intelligent men look for something different. So if you are a professional man who wants this package, let's start a conversation!

The post Do My Roles As a Companion, Massage and Aromatherapist, and Men's Coach Conflict? appeared first on Female Independent Holistic Companion London - Toronto - International.

Most men use adult services

because they have a problem - or several problems - in life. Some men will feel affronted when they read this, but that doesn't change the truth of the fact. And feeling affronted would be a rich area for some good coaching! Many others will deeply identify with this fact. Look at it this way, dear reader: if a man didn't have a problem or several problems in life, he wouldn't have to pay for what he should be able to get naturally free of charge. Paying for adult services is an artificial state of happiness.

Men are generally not good communicators.  I said generally because this doesn't apply to all men.  But since 60% of the world population are generalists and the societal direction is more and more generalist, this statement is true. When men don't know how to clearly communicate with themselves, they don't know how to clearly communicate with others. And when they don't know how to clearly communicate with others, they have difficulties in relationships, which isolates them. Thus they use adult services to escape the isolation and fill the emptiness in them. Humans are social creatures. Everyone needs company, touch, compassion, comforting, compliments, romance, to feel useful, a part of something meaningful, to love and be loved. Hence men pay for the illusion of this inclusion, belonging, closeness. And sex  physicalises it all.

But few men are so lucky that the first adult service provider whom they come across will suit them perfectly! And most men know this very well indeed. So looking for the one person with whom they will feel all that inclusion and closeness becomes a neverending quest, expenditure, and another complication in their busy lives.

The value of coaching for the long term

When men have a problem or several problems in life, they use adult services to escape from not knowing how to solve the problem(s). Adult services will not solve the problem(s). They will add another problem - that a man will pay a lot of money for them in the long term. If the man pays for coaching for 4 months, he will find solutions to his problem(s) and will have paid for only the 4 months. Not for years. The solutions which he finds in coaching may even make him a lot more money! Adult services do not have that effect.

Hence the value of coaching for men who use adult services

is that the coach will be the only person in their lives who will ask them how they are and mean it! And the only person who will listen to their deepest troubles without judging. Coaching became so popular in business because people who direct and lead corporations and companies had one person in their lives who was interested in their troubles and feelings. One person whom they could tell what they couldn't tell colleagues, family members, and the public.  It is immensely relieving and liberating to have such person in life. Even if we pay that person!

After all, the western society encourages suppressing bad feelings and not talking about bad things. Everything has to be nice and good all the time. If you ask someone how they are and they tell you that they're badly, will you know how to deal with it? Or will you go quiet and then continue as if nothing happened? And if someone asks you how you are, will you say that you're badly if that is true for you at the time? Exactly the point! Suppressed feelings are the source of misery and unhappiness.  The value of coaching for men who use adult services is to treat the cause at the root - express the bad and find ways to resolve it.

Objective versus subjective

Additional value of coaching is that a good coach will always be objective. Colleagues, friends, lovers, family members are subjective. Hence they don't make good coaches.  Colleagues, friends, lovers, family members are emotionally involved to various extents. A coach is emotionally neutral. Plus the coach has training to spot patterns in your spoken and body language that help and also hinder you.  She can point these patterns out as she has an objective and emotionally neutral view of them.  Pointing them out gives you a choice to change them.  And if you don't know how, the coach can help you find the right thing to do.

Another value of coaching is that the coach will help you find what to do in very different ways from colleagues, family members, etc. Because the coach has training that the colleagues, family members, etc. do not have.

You will feel an intimate connection in coaching

that you will never feel with providers of adult services.  This deeply intimate connection develops due to the fact that the coach won't negatively judge you and a good coach will be genuinely keen to act in your best interests while providers of adult services will care only about your money - thus their interests. You'll feel that the coach understands you and is on the same wavelength as you because she will deeply listen and hear you. This is why so many clients of coaching fall in love with their coaches! We all feel good when someone understands us!

A man who looks for sex on "escort" sites is driven by hedonism - pleasure.  Coaching will therefore be the last thing on his mind if it even be on his mind at all! Thus some readers may feel resistance while reading this article. But even that resistance is feedback. Well, if you feel that you would strongly benefit, act on the feeling and get coaching.  It will change your life like no adult services ever would, and be less expensive in the long term. Shall we have a conversation?

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Intimacy should come from celebration, not despondency, desperation, frustration, or even anger with something or someone.  Intimacy should be the most beautiful way in which a man and a woman connect. But 99% of men who call for a courtesan ironically do so not for celebration, but out of loneliness, emptiness, emotional pain, and the other mentioned reasons.

Why is this bad?

Because intimacy is good only when people are happy. When you're despondent, angry, frustrated, or desperate, you'll bring that energy into intimacy. Your intimate partner will respond to that energy and you'll respond to her response... Do you think that intimacy born from bad energy will be good? Exactly the point!

So why do so many men not see this obvious fact?

Because nobody brings this "obvious" fact into their attention.  Women sell sex for gain.  Money rules their worlds - or the worlds of their traffickers, and the women therefore take whoever comes their way for a buck. They don't care about you, what you want, how you feel, or whether their commerce contributes something good to humanity... You're not a human being with feelings to them. You're a cash dispenser. So they'll tell you what you want to hear to hook you to go to them.

But intimacy should be a celebration

...instead of a commercial act in artificial circumstances. Gentlemen, think about it this way: if you have a wife or life partner, you enjoy intimacy with her only when you both are in good mood and happy. And if you don't have a life partner but have been on dates, you'll remember the dates on which you had a strong connection and if intimacy happened, it was good. If someone asked you to tell them about the best intimate experience of your life, you'd tell them about a memory when you were happy with the woman with whom you shared the happy experience. And that is, again, exactly the point!

Another way to think about why to see courtesans for celebration

...is that it's exactly the same with massage. When you go for a massage in a hurry or with trepidation of whether you can trust the masseuse, you won't relax and derive the benefits. When you look forward to the massage because you know that you'll relax and derive the benefits. The massage will be a time when you can let go of all problems, relax, go into a light trance, or even fall asleep. And when you send the energy that you trust the masseuse, she'll pick the energy up and give you even more back. When massage is a celebration, it really is a treat for every man to look forward to. And it really is better than artificial sex with strangers. The man realizes its value, benefits, and feel-good factor. Thus he will happily pay for it. He sees the money as well spent.

But what of a man who calls courtesans when he's angry, frustrated, or worse still, drunk or drugged? Does he really think that he will enjoy intimacy? Every action has at least one consequence. So if that's the case, what energy does such a man set for intimacy? How does he expect the woman to respond? If the woman is motivated only by money, she won't care anyway and the sex will be mechanical and soulless. In that case what's the point in paying for what such unhappy man will only go through the motions - if he even remembers the next day that he did so?

See courtesans for celebration, get coaching for desperation

If you've so far always called courtesans, escorts, callgirls, or adult entertainers for sex out of desperation or for another negative reason, try the opposite approach. Then you'll honour the point of paying for what you don't get every day.

If you use the right tool for a job, you'll do the job well. See courtesans for celebration of life, beauty, human connection, and intimacy if that's what you want. Get coaching for frustrations, dealing with breakups, despondency, desperation, and anger. I can do either and all. Which one do you need?

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Text messages are the wrong tool for connecting with strangers

It is not for nothing that people have bought human connection for centuries.  And I mean human connection, not sex in disguise of human connection.  Buying sex is another matter even though human connection can indeed include sex.  After all, sex is the physicalization of abstract intangible human connection.  But I mean human connection - the company of and connecting with another human being.

Think about it - if we want to connect with another human being, we have to talk to them.  I described the essence of this argument in this article. We have to talk to the human being to see whether we will connect. Whether we will spark that spark which will draw us to meeting. And whether there is potential for us to have a good time. But how can we know whether we will connect if we don't talk?

Text messages are not talking. They're writing.

The problem with writing is that it is widely open to different interpretation. One statement can mean different things to different people as we all think differently and make different meaning of 'the same' statement. Plus we don't hear the voice nor feel the energy of our correspondent.  The voice, pauses, and energy are irreplaceable because they tell a lot about a person. they say a lot to our intuition. When we talk to someone, we sense the meaning of what they tell us. We sense whether the person is drunk, drugged, sincere, hesitant, or saying something out of politeness or obligation with what s/he doesn't earnestly agree. These messages are critical when you're getting to know a stranger - especially a stranger whom you want to give time, money, energy, and trust to celebrate  the finer moments in life with. And with whom many a man wants to be intimate!

Text messages can be dangerous

This applies more from my point of view than from yours. Because when you respond to my ad by a text message, you're you.  But when I get the text message, I don't know that you're you. I cannot know because anyone can send a text message. Without hearing your voice I have no way of knowing that you're you. Some men lend their phones to family members. So the text message in response to my ad could come from a child. Or a vengeful wife or partner. The only way for me to know is to talk to the writer.

And if I do things ethically and morally correctly, I feel responsibility to check whether you're you and not your child who borrowed your phone!  Or your vengeful wife or partner. After all, if I think highly of discretion, should I not  protect yours as much as I can? It costs nothing to do so and makes the world better for you, your family and me.

People who text are often scammers

Another thing in today's world full of creative people is that a lot of creativity goes into scams. People want easy money for no work, and therefore create scams. One way to fight them is to play a clean honest game, because scammers operate on dishonesty. So to ensure that I'm dealing with genuine men I prefer to talk to them. And it works the other way around.  After all, anyone can post an ad and forget about it over time as I described in this article. So how do you know whether the advertiser hasn't changed phone number? Call her instead of sending a text message. There will never be a replacement for hearing a voice, soul to soul, person to person contact.  Especially and doubly so if your goal is to establish a romantic relationship with the stranger.

Have you burnt your fingers?

Have you been scammed? Or encountered a fake? That's because you made some strategic mistake. Perhaps one of these three. Or the one of communicating with strangers by text message instead of hearing their voices. As a coach who coaches men not to make basic mistakes I can help you find out what you do wrongly and can do better. Would you like to talk?

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Conversations connect

Men have companions, courtesans, and pay other women for other things because they want to connect with another human being.  Connection is abstract and intangible, so we can't touch and handle it.  Since we humans deal better with tangible things, we crave to make connections tangible. The stronger the connection, the more pleasant its physicalization. The stronger a connection we feel to another human being, the better the quality of our friendship, collaboration, or relationship with them will be. If the relationship is intimate, the stronger the connection, the better and more passionate the intimacy will be.  Connection between people always reflects in the bedroom.

Conversations bring strangers to acquaintance

Once two strangers connect, conversations make them get to know each other. The two people find out what makes them tick.  What they like and dislike. And what they have in common and different. All this is important for a man who is choosing a companion for regular dates or a masseuse for regular massages. If the two people don't converse, how can they connect? How can they know whether they would be compatible if they met?

Conversations make things clear

And thus we enter the realm of clarity. I wrote here what happens when men have unrealistic expectations of their companions, mistresses, courtesans, masseuses, or other women whom they (want to) see. Since every person is different and comes from a different background with a different model of the world, it is important to have conversations about what two people expect from each other.

It is important to clarify words, phrases, definitions, concepts, where, when, what, how, for how much, and with or without whom two people will and will not do. If you don't have those things clear, misunderstandings will easily arise and your date or massage can end bitterly. There's no need for it if you converse with the women whose time, massage, or whatever else you are to buy. And gentlemen, since you find the women whom you like, you're responsible for starting the connections.

Conversations build trust

If this point seems obvious at a glance, why do so many women refuse to even speak to men who call them? Why do these women divert conversations to a collection of phrases by SMS? And even advertise that they communicate only by SMS? Why don't men want to know more about the woman whose ads they call than the women's location, availability, and rates? Isn't it counterintuitive that people buy and sell connection, yet don't want to connect? If you are a man who calls a woman's ad and doesn't converse with her, how can you trust her? After all, men get scammed by those women and their traffickers every day around the world. So if you don't connect, get to know, and make things clear with the women you want to see, how can you know what you're going into?

Besides, isn't trust a foundation of good quality intimacy? Can you be intimate and truly relax with someone whom you don't trust? You don't have to love your intimate partner. But you have to trust her.  And if you don't converse, you can't trust. Simple as that.

...and they also certainly enrich

All the articles on this website arose exactly from conversations. Strangers, lifelong friends, and everyone in-between inspired me through the conversations that I had with them. I always thought that if one man sees a certain topic as valuable, so will many other men around the world. So I started sharing my experiences from these conversations. And periodically add snippets to articles where appropriate. I learnt an immense amount from conversations with men of many cultures, roles, professions, etc. Every person has a different story, hence different lessons to teach - and learn. Conversations are a gift.

...and also inspire

Many an idea turned into big business, likewise many a piece of art was created from inspiration from conversations. Gentlemen, it really pays to invest in conversations as you never know what a good conversation with the woman whose ad you called may inspire. You might come upon a fantastic plan for how to spend your time with the woman whom you by now hopefully know better, have clear boundaries with, feel that you can trust, and feel enriched by.

Conversation create intimacy

Men who have companions or mistresses have them because they want to connect with another human being. Conversations make intimacy before it gets physical. Think about it: once you get to know your partner, have clarity in affairs, feel safe to trust her, perhaps even feel enriched and inspired by her, intimacy is born.  And then you feel the desire to physicalize it.

A man should always leave a date with a companion inspired just like a man should always leave a massage rejuvenated. So if conversations with the women with whom you want to relax and have a good time aren't your habit, try them from the next call. Men who have conversations with me appreciate their benefit. And so can you!

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