To break bad habits is not merely a matter of knowledge or skill. If it was, then all information campaigns on how to improve health would have made illnesses a thing of the past. We would all be slim and rich and teenage girls would not get pregnant. Sadly, many people do not create lasting changes and repeat their failures again and again.Why? How?
The key to creating and maintaining behavioral change is in getting and staying motivated. Some people make lifestyle changes that last a few weeks at best. The attendance figures at health clubs in January show you the people who begin very motivated and lose the passion. Other people wish that they could do something, but never work up the motivation to begin. The title of comedian Totie Fields' book I Think I’ll Start on Monday: The official 8 1/2oz Mashed Potato Diet sums it up. She also said: “I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks".
Conventional theory suggests that the highest potential for change is in crisis. This seems logical, since nothing is normal during a crisis and the abnormality is the opportunity to make important decisions about the future. People often try to make radical shifts when they face financial or other disasters. But if crisis really is the highest potential time for change, then why do 90% of coronary bypass patients not make long-term changes to their behaviour after surgery?
When a crisis triggers someone to want to do something differently, it can be effective for the short term. This is motivation away from something (bad), because the person is motivated to move away from a situation they do not want. An example: a person doesn't like himself in the mirror, so decides to get slim. Motivation away from can get us started. The problem is that it loses power once we are on the way. How can we stay on track after the away from motivation has waned? In 2 ways: 1. to constantly remind ourselves that we don’t want to be unhealthy or whatever. This takes a lot of work and the effects of maintaining a state of fear or disgust are unhealthy. 2. to add motivation toward something good.
Since motivation away from the bad is effective for short periods and most changes to behaviours and habits take longer, we need a mechanism to maintain motivation. We can do this when we have a goal that we strongly want to achieve to replace the problem which we want to avoid. This goal represents motivation toward something good. The motivation away from something bad can get us started and gives us a push. The motivation toward something good draws us closer to what we want.
This way we get the benefit of the push and the pull. The problem with having only motivation toward something good is that if we are beginning far from our goal, starting is demotivating. If our goal is to run a marathon and we get out of breath running for a bus, it is easier to put off running. If we have motivation only toward something good with nothing to kick us into action, we may procrastinate.
Motivation away from x and toward y is not always enough. Habits can be hard to kill. They are like water running downhill - it takes no effort to maintain a habit. Habits are rituals that we perform without thinking and are psychologically committed to. Sometimes they are formulas of stimulus-response. Sit in front of the TV - feel hungry - get food... A good system is easier to follow. If you want something to become a habit, insert it into an existing procedure. To remember to take vitamins put them in front of the coffee pot instead of hiding them in the cupboard. Inserting the new behaviour into an existing procedure builds new commitment into what you already do. When the new behaviour is part of a procedure that you effortlessly follow, it will reinforce and gradually become like water running downhill.
People become nonsmokers more easily if they see the state they want to move away from and the state they want to move toward. Verbal affirmations are rarely compelling enough to trigger and maintain motivation. But when we can see both what we want and what we don’t, it becomes more real than merely telling ourselves something. Imagine the idea of being at the right weight or level of fitness. It’s easier to imagine when you can see yourself in your favorite outfit or effortlessly running 3 miles.
If you don’t believe that it’s possible to change bad habits, no type of motivation will work. Look for an example where you have made a significant change. Notice that all the motivational strategies were present. If you could do that, why could you not do the next thing? There is only one way to find out - how important the change is to you If it’s not often on your radar, perhaps you don’t care enough to change it. Why is changing this habit important to you? And why is that important? What kind of person believes that the change you want is worth pursuing? Is this the kind of person you want to be? How are you already like this?
When you have identified the beliefs, values, and identity that will enable you to imagine that this change is really possible, hold them in your heart and allow them to spread throughout your physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual self. Repeat this daily as part of your rituals until it feels natural.
Real change of behaviour is possible when you have the strategies to start and maintain motivation, when you see what you want, have inserted the new behaviour into a ritual, believe that the new behaviour is possible, value it, and think of yourself as a person who does it. There's no wonder why miracle cures don’t last!
Do you have a project for a change of behaviour that is important to you? Check whether you have all the motivational triggers in place.
Away from: I do not want ____________________________________.
Toward: what I want instead is ________________________________.
Negative consequences: if I don’t succeed, what will happen that I don’t want? _____________________________________________________.
Positive consequences: when I succeed, what will happen that I want?
_____________________________________________________
I see/imagine an example of each of the above.
I have inserted this new habit into this procedure that I do naturally.
_____________________________________________________
And I am regularly accountable to _______________ for completing my goal.
I believe that it is possible to do this because ______________________________________.
I succeeded at something like this when I ___________________________.
This is important to me because ________________________________.
The kind of person who does this is ______________________________.
I am that kind of person because ________________________________.
I'm not a men's coach for nothing! I'm always here to help you break bad habits in any aspect of life.
Intimate relationships can be a source of the greatest joy or pain. Valentine's Day was established by papal decree in 496AD as a day to celebrate our intimate relationships with those we love most deeply. At that time it wasn't connected with romantic love. Geoffrey Chaucer changed that in the high Middle Ages during the time of development of courtly love as a tradition. Since that time we see Valentine's Day as a shorthand for what intimate relationships or marriage should look like. Starry-eyed, blissful, sweet, easy, sexual, and everloving might describe our expectations of intimate relationships. But like most things in life, when we truly take a look, we see much more complexity...
to examine and learn to improve the critical moods that make or break intimate relationships. And you will be able to apply the learning to your relationships with lovers, companions, courtesans, etc. In every marriage and intimate relationship there are moods that serve building the relationship and those that have a damaging effect. Moods are not inherently good or bad, but they either serve or restrict us in a particular situation. Here are some that we can distinguish more clearly in intimate relationships:
Compassion means being with another person in their pain. To pity is to see another person as needing us to pull them up to our level of understanding. In compassion we place ourselves on the same human level as our partner, while in pity we tend to look down on them and their plight. How many times have you opted for pity rather than compassion in your relationships? How often have you been tempted to believe that it was your job to fix your partner or her situation rather than simply stand with her and trust her to navigate life for herself?
Many of us grow up with the admonishment to help others. Some people learn that the right way to be a partner is to take care of the other's every wish and need. What we aren't often taught is to pay attention to the point where those activities shift from service to sacrifice. In service we attend to others' needs, but also to our needs. In sacrifice we drain ourselves, sometimes to the point of illness. Sacrifice isn't bad. Many heroic acts require sacrifice of all that we have, even life. Continual sacrifice in intimate relationships is not sustainable.
An interesting thing happens in many intimate relationships. We fall in love with exactly who the other person is. And over time we discover that there are aspects of them which we would like to change. That moment defines the shift from acceptance to tolerance. Acceptance is seeing and understanding another person as they are. It does not mean that we like or agree with all we see, but we do not try to change them. Tolerance is that we will put up with the way they are until we see the light. Seeing the light usually means seeing the world the way we see it. Tolerance may be a more helpful mood than intolerance, but it won't be helpful if we interchange or confuse it with acceptance.
Courage is required to act when we're afraid. When we realize that we need to make a request or have a conversation that may produce temporary upset in the relationship, we'll either gather the courage for the conversation or deny that it is necessary. Maybe it will go away. Most people intuitively realize that the conversation won't go away, but their naïve hope may move them in that direction.
I don't know anyone who would describe themselves as mean. Yet the capacity to be mean lives in us all. When we are frustrated, tired, hungry, angry, we can be mean. What makes tenderness so valuable in intimate relationships is that it brings safety. Safety allows conversations which would otherwise be impossible. Safety allows intimacy. Will you choose tenderness or meanness in a moment of strain?
Curiosity = I acknowledge that there may be something of value for me in this area. In conversation with your partner you may believe that you understand their motivations and choices. But are you willing to get curious to check and deepen your understanding? Do you assume that you know and stay attached to what you think you know? Or do you become flexible to listen and inquire?
Our contemporary view of intimate relationships has a strong basis in excitement. Excitement comes from Latin meaning “to set in motion outside of ourselves". Excitement pulls us to ever-climbing high points. Our nervous systems crave going just a little higher. By contrast, joy is a steady sense of wellbeing that is satisfying in itself. Excitement in a relationship is elemental, but a relationship based on excitement will not sustain itself.
Commitments are promises that we make explicitly. We demonstrate commitment through action. Expectation comes from Latin meaning "await or hope". Many of us live with the illusion that if our partner has made some commitments to us, then whatever we expect will come to pass. A good exercise is to ask yourself what specifically you and your partner have promised in the relationship. Everything beyond that is your expectation, your story of what your partner will do or what will happen in your relationship. This exercise will make you realize the degree to which you live in expectation. And often the degree to which you want to hold your partner accountable for your expectations rather than for the promises that you made.
The question of these moods is one of balance. Work is activity with attachment to an outcome. Play is activity without an attachment. Play doesn't intend to produce anything except fun. An excess or deficit of either in your relationship can create either gravity and profound seriousness or triviality. Consider the balance.
it is obvious that the models we've had in contemporary music, greeting cards, and movies don't begin to address the depth of the emotional field. There is no wonder that we meet, date, engage, marry, and then are disappointed that the moods of the relationships aren't eternally sunny and light. That has been set up as an expectation, but it was never a promise. The word relationship comes from a root meaning to bring back, to reconnect, to retell. In this light revisiting the moods of your intimate relationships provides fertile ground for much higher satisfaction in a key area of life.
Not all people can do it alone. Many people, especially men, need a helping hand. Do you? Let's start a conversation.
Why do high end companions have a reputation for being greedy? How do their clients feed the greed?
Are high end female companions, courtesans, mistresses, and ordinary glorified prostitutes worth thousands per hour? Human life is irreplaceable and time increases in value. But I still believe that the answer is no. Yet many men with more [corporate?] money than common sense don't care about how much they throw at high end female companions and adult entertainers as long as these men get what they want. Or perhaps out of fear of being blackmailed etc.?
Good living, hankering for ever more excitement, and the need for ego massage happen on impulse. Impulse doesn't make one think about the consequences of its actions. If men comply with these women's claims for high end gifts, that is precisely how men encourage those women's greed. Is there any wonder why those women are so greedy? Or why men complain about how much high end companions charge?
in addition to their fees? There are high end companions who dedicate pages of their websites to gifts. Many even link to the websites that stock the gifts to make their purchases more convenient for their clients! How do they claim the right? Based on the fact that someone once gifted them and that created inspiration for them to claim gifts thereafter? Or based on the fact that they got away with it once or a few times and now take it for granted instead of being eternally grateful? Perhaps based on a colleague having told them that she got away with it and advised that they try it?
Or do these greedy high end companions dedicate pages of their websites to claiming gifts as a marketing device to make their image and status look more high end? Even if that were true, these women's disrespect for their clients makes their status low end. A gift should always be a gift, not a product of dictation. So if they market gifting by dictation, they market their manipulative characters. And also the image of treating men as objects via which to achieve their ends. But then these women shouldn't cry when their clients get the message and start treating them as millionaires' bimbo pendants, because gift for act = tit for tat. If you invite to manipulate, you equally invite to be manipulated!
I see this practice as totally unethical and disrespectful to the clients of high end companions! The principle of giving is identical to that of tipping. Tipping should be at the client's discretion, not at the service provider's dictation. If a client wishes to tip or give a gift as a token of appreciation, the best and most respectful thing that high end companions can do is to gracefully accept it with sincere thanks. But not with the attachment of expecting it to become the norm and making a marketing practice of it!
The societies to which this forceful gift-claiming practice applies have lost the plot on this. Yet they're usually the very ones which talk about materialism and greed being bad things! Just look at restaurants. Not only do they inform you on the bill that an x per cent service charge has been added to the bill, but waiters still give you dirty looks if you don't tip them! Outrageous!
Besides, who can tell me why waiting, hairdressing, taxi driving, and hotel portering professionals should be singled out for tipping? Why would you never tip your accountant, doctor, or drycleaner for excellent service? Does this not fly in the face of all calls for equality? Waiters, hairdressers, taxi drivers, hotel porters choose their careers and accept the employment with the wages. So there's no excuse for tipping any of them versus others unless the service really has been exceptional. But that is very rarely the case.
[albeit not rocket science] behind this phenomenon. This practice is one that should honestly be stopped! If men want to give a woman a gift, that's fine. But if you're a man reading this, do it only if you want to, not based on a high end companion's dictation. Remember that you're voting with your money every time you spend it and you're voting with your energy every time you take action. So vote wisely. Don't encourage these greedy practices with your vote! Don't vote for these greedy companions to stay in operation!
And if you feel too weak to say no, or if you would feel guilty or mean, then let's look at how you could change your perspective!
How are we redefining giving in our prosperous world? What makes us rethink our forms of giving when we have it so good in life? Why do so many successful men leave giving to themselves till who knows when?
Many people in many countries are thankful despite many affairs of the world going downhill and economies that could be even better. Unexpected layoffs, financial setbacks, or a desire to spend more time with the near and dear serve as a reality check. A wakeup call for people to rethink their idea of wealth and prosperity. People focus more on satisfaction with the quality of life than on satisfaction from consumption. The big shift is in people questioning whether the ways in which they spend time bring them higher satisfaction than things that need to be done on autopilot. More money doesn't necessarily lead to more happiness. So many people are getting off the hedonistic treadmill and look for ways to realign with other values that matter to them.
For some people that means starting a business that allows more flexibility even if it means less money. They learn that money is here today gone tomorrow, but life experiences stay with us. I've seen friendships end because people's coaches said "that's not the right circle to be in". Although many people have received similar advice focused on building wealth, they want none of it now. Albeit there will always be people who will focus on accumulating wealth, the focus of more and more people isn't on pursuing financial wealth, but wealth of experiences.
For others redefining wealth and prosperity may mean downshifting their careers. After almost losing their children and spouses many people trade their high-flying professional careers for simpler jobs. The most ambitious types admit that they're happy with their decisions, but still sometimes struggle to maintain balance. Their personalities are very driven and to stop working and put the families first is a constant effort. Working as x doesn't pay as much as did the previous job, but people appreciate more time and holidays with their loved ones. Although these high-flying pros' former jobs meant frequent traveling to nice hotels, they never had time to enjoy them.
In addition to rethinking their careers some people have also scaled back on holiday gifts. Their children get one gift from the parents, one from Santa, and a few from other family members. These people see their friends go crazy with gifts for the kids and believe that this approach just feeds materialism and entitlement. These parents hope to model generosity and selflessness to their children. So they put money into good causes for their communities instead of buying gifts that would likely gather dust.
While some givers choose donations in lieu of presents, others buy experiential gifts. This option has grown in popularity. Taking a family member out for lunch, treating a friend to a movie, or calling me to give a massage to a spouse or relative are good examples. People give more time-based gifts and make gifts. From the viewpoint of time this is one of the best gifts that someone can give, because it shows that the giver cares about the receiver.
A friend made me this series of (pictured) gifts by hand from wood over 30 hours a piece over several years. Would this gentleman go to this extent if he didn't care about me? Many other friends have given me gifts of experiences: a lunch, day at the spa, weekend away, show, etc. Others gave me gifts of food, jewellery, and many other things. Artistic friends even gave me cards with poems or verses which they wrote. The poems and verses were symbolic of my personality or connected to my life.
Giving to ourselves reminds us of why we work and that we're here to enjoy life. It motivates us and brings sparkles into life. It gives us things to look forward to. And that's important. So once you've sorted gifts out for everyone else, it should be your turn to treat yourself for hard work, being a good citizen, or whatever you achieved. Would a gift to yourself of a few hours of inspiring, entertaining, and caring company hit the spot? Or perhaps even an aromatherapeutic relaxing massage treatment to perk you up? Or even good coaching on a demon that has hampered you for years? If yes, I invite you to be my receiver!
Does it pay to be honest with and about money? If it does, does it pay more than it would if one weren't honest? Is it stupid to be honest in situations which give the option not to be honest with money? Will the last 2 paragraphs of this article give you a valuable insight? What would you do in a situation like the one described here? (more…)
Why do so many men buy sex? Why do so many even very young men not have success in matters of intimacy? And why do many successful and even happily married men not know how to be intimate?
An example are couples in restaurants that share a meal in silence and do not even look at each other, or look at their phones. And I'm sure that your attention has wandered while talking to someone or trying to focus. We suddenly realize that we aren’t focusing and bring ourselves back to the moment - or not. We also immediately notice when someone isn’t really present with us. They think about something else, looking at something other than us. And sometimes we find it hard to come back to the present moment and let go of what had dragged our attention away...
The answer is simple: you are where your attention is, not where your body is. The consequences of where your attention goes are immense. If you pay attention to intimacy, the quality of intimacy will rise. But if you sail through intimacy with the mind miles away, you'll miss the beauty and healing of intimacy. Another huge impact of your attention is your capacity to connect. You must pay attention and be present in the moment in order to connect.
We all long for connection as we are social creatures. Companionship is based exactly on this principle. Men who hire companions don't buy sex. They buy connection. Intimacy is the strongest form of connection. Sex is a physicalization of connection. Connection is abstract, hence we can't touch it. So if the connection is strong, we sometimes physicalize it through sex. Love, friendship, companionship, good communication, teamwork, belonging, loyalty, trust, intimacy, and a sense of being at home in life all require connection.
disconnection shows as mistrust, lack of commitment or ownership, not listening, no care, value, respect, satisfaction, coordination. So what does it mean to be fully present? We cannot fully connect to someone if we do not connect to ourselves, our bodies, the present moment. And without connecting relationships turn into sour loneliness, communication turns into a ping pong of information and assessments, intimacy turns into a collection of mechanical movements.
Yet with all these consequences to our attention we [in the west] live in a culture which does not train us to pay attention to our attention. Our attention wanders. We are bombarded with opportunities to have our attention stolen by novelty, media, technology, drugs, stimulants, gossip, and sex. We live in constant stimulation to take our attention away. The Western culture elevates cognitive skill as the dominant mode of knowing and being. Yet when we go fully into thought, we disconnect from others, the moment, our bodies, emotions, and selves.
Men who do not know how to be intimate are preoccupied with work, problems, and don't know how to connect with themselves. The greatest challenge of relationship, intimacy, life is to be fully awake, aware, attentive to the present moment. Awareness creates choice. Choice is an exercise of attention and connection. We connect to what we attend to. This is a skill that grows with practice of paying attention to our attention, presence, connection, and the quality of what we produce in our connections.
This is where life, relationship, intimacy, and taking care happen, and where we create the future we share with others. Where are you? You're where your attention has taken you with or without choice. Remember this especially during your moments of intimacy. After all, if you're not to be fully in them, why pay for them?
And if this lesson resonates with you because your attention wanders more often than you'd like, let's sharpen your focus together!
Identity fraud occurs in every field and aspect of life. That is why I always educate men that anonymity won't get past me. Nor will withheld numbers, false names, and all other strategies that men employ to protect their identities from women in roles similar to and very different from mine. I empathize with men's intention to protect their identities when they don't yet know me. And I agree with their cautious approach. But they can see details down to the size of my breasts all over the net. So me having their full real names, phone numbers, and email addresses must surely be fair.
In the States high end companions and women playing other roles are notorious for wanting their prospects' home addresses, work details, drivers' licences, and even passport numbers! [God bless America!] We all want to protect ourselves. This is also why I encourage men to do their research. And I practice what I preach, hence do mine. I've always had a naturally inquisitive mind which could never help bringing out the detective in me. And here's one time when the detective struck gold!
One day I received an email from a banker working for one of the big 5 Canadian banks downtown Toronto. The message instructed me to call his work number before 5:30 p.m. because "his mother was a bitch" and "after 5:30 his mother would be on his ass". Albeit I smelt something suspicious, I called the number just to be sure that my intuition was not misleading me. I asked to speak to the man and he said that I was speaking to him. I told him that I was calling on the instruction in his email. When he denied knowing anything about the email, I read him the email. He again denied having sent it.
the correspondence continued. The writer started pouring out a lot of emotional baggage. He mentioned his ex girlfriend, her apartment number and address [in a building where my friend lived, so I knew that the address was real] having dug his gold, how she pissed him off, etc. I rode along with it and kept a cool head albeit being cautious. After a few more exchanges of emails the writer suggested that we meet for a coffee downtown. I said that it would be nice, because I wanted to find out what the writer's next reaction would be. The conversation went quiet for a few days. When the suggested date of the coffee meeting approached, I mailed him to ask where we could meet when. I received no response, so left it at that and life went on.
the writer wrote that he was sorry, but was sent on a business trip to New York across the [Canadian] long weekend, because his boss knew he was single... So that was why he didn't contact me. At this point he asked me to call his work number again. I did. And when I spoke to the man, he again denied having sent any of those emails. I suggested that he must have been set up and suggested that he think through his networks of friends and enemies.
He thanked me for being helpful and asked me to forward any correspondence. He added that he would forward it to the corporate security team. I asked how I'd know whether any correspondence would come from the real him or his impersonator. We agreed on a sign of acknowledgement. He acknowledged receipt of my forwarding of the correspondence and that was the last time I had contact with the real man.
the emails stopped. But after over a week I received an invitation to connect on LinkedIn... Yes, from the banker. So I deliberately accepted and observed his profile, connections, etc. It all looked immensely real - his work details, connections from the financial world, even resume, education, the lot! Seriously, the gullible would have fallen for it without question. His impersonator must have known him well! However, there were a few clues that would make the more detective minds suspicious. So I was 95% convinced that I was connecting to the impersonator and not to the real banker.
Nonetheless I went with it. The correspondence moved to LinkedIn. Here I adopted a more confrontational strategy. My first question to him was whether he was the real guy. He said that he was. A few messages later I asked him why his profile photo was blurred. Since I noticed that he changed his photo several times while we were connected AND that his photos were always blurred, that shouted suspicion. So I went straight into it.
The writer responded that he didn't have his photo blurred. Next the writer wrote how nice a woman I was characterwise and encouraged me to call him on the work number for a chat. So this time I decided to back him into a corner. I suggested that he call me and had long predicted that it would never happen.
All correspondence stopped in a whisk, and he never called. However, another person called - 2 months later - from Toronto police. She told me that they had caught a female impersonator of this banker, and thanked me for the important part I had played in catching her! I was very happy to meet with a constable who brought all the email correspondence and asked me to write a statement for the courts. I duly did and all was wrapped up by the end of the second month from the incident.
read and respect the first paragraph of this post! Don't mess with people, because you never know who you're messing with! If you're hiding behind insecurities, get some good coaching! Do your thorough research on women before you contact them. Expect that they have the right to do the same on you. And this article will tell you that I take discretion as seriously as the prevention of identity fraud by being real and wanting men who want to associate with me to be real.
How can animal owners use aromatherapy to ward off everyday unpleasant aftermaths of the animal world? Here are four tips:
The essential oils of geranium and lemongrass are great for dispersing animal odours. A traditional oil burner may mask the odours quite well, but at times you need to get down to their level to tackle the problem at source - on the floor. Add about 10 drops of your preferred essential oil to a half filled bucket of hot water along with your regular cleaning detergent and mop the areas where the odours are the strongest. If most of these areas have carpets, tear off the corner of a newspaper or tissue, put 2 drops of geranium essential oil on it, lay it on the floor, and introduce it to the business end of the vacuum cleaner. While sucking up the dirt from the carpets the vacuum cleaner will disperse the fresh scent of the oil. This simple trick works a treat every time!
Draw a line of defense with peppermint oil across the point of entrance to where they're infiltrating. They'll certainly beat a hasty retreat! Most insects don't like the smell of peppermint, so this method often also works for spiders and other creapy crawlies. Take care not to splash essential oil on paintwork or uPVC surfaces.
You can use essential oils around the home to keep flies, spiders, and mosquitos away. The oils will also create a lovely refreshing atmosphere. The most effective insect repellents are basil, Atlas cedar, citronella, eucalyptus citriodora, lemongrass, patchouli, and peppermint. They're all widely available from health shops, pharmacies, drug stores, and online. Put them into burners or a few drops on cotton wool pads or balls around the rooms. Or even into water on a saucer or in a small container.
You can effectively use the essential oil of citronella to keep cats away from plant tubs. And this oil indeed features in some commercial preparations sold for this purpose in garden stores. You'll need to reapply it every 3 - 4 days, but it will effectively keep animals away from small areas of soil.
I've also written these tips on using aromatherapy at home. And also at the office!
Drinking water will certainly make any man sexier and healthier than drinking caffeine, sugar, chemicals, and alcohol. But drinking water doesn't come easily to many men. Why? Is there any wonder since there's so much confusing information on this subject? I do not want my articles to contribute to the confusion. I draw knowledge from the first science of life which has given rise to all sciences and been with us for thousands of years. As I like the reliable, I give the reliable. So...
Because there is so much confusing and quickly changing information out there! Drinking many cups of coffee a day and alcohol after dinner really isn't the same as drinking water to hydrate the body. The consumeristic society sets people up to drink caffeine and chemicals for profit. People think that they will get energy from those drinks because those drinks are stimulants.
The second reason is that people have little time and thus gradually get used to suppressing biological needs. Many folks therefore incorrectly interpret or stop noticing them. And therefore many people often think that they're hungry when they're thirsty. It would only take a glass of water or herbal tea and the "hunger" would vanish. All this is easy to solve with drinking correctly.
I wrote all that in this article and therefore won't repeat it here.
Western scientists and health experts, many of whom highly likely have a vested interest in promoting the drinks industry, maintain that one should drink x litres of water a day. Even the number of litres that one should allegedly drink seems to change with the trend! Ancient medical teachings have stated for thousands of years that one should drink when thirsty. Because if we are not thirsty and drink the liters a day that western scientists propose, we impair the digestive fire. When we impair the digestive fire, we impair digestion. When we don't digest food well, toxins form. Toxins are the source of all disease. Thus strong digestive fire is the source of health.
That is dangerous. They may not register signs of dehydration because they do not realise that they don't drink even one glass of water all days! Secondly because at first the body temperature will only mildly rise. Thirdly because many people have learnt to suppress or ignore signs from the body! Gradually and proportionally to the loss of liquids in the body your energy and thus productivity will decline and fatigue will rise. Unfortunately only fatigue. Not feeling of dehydration.
Many people cure fatigue with strong coffee. Caffeine drains the kidneys, stimulates urination, hence dehydrates even more! That is why drinking drinks that contain caffeine is bad. But if you really must drink coffee, put cardamom seeds into it. Then the coffee won't have the debilitating effect. And remind yourself that coffee is also none other than a habit...
A man used to drinking very little - if any - water often won't realize that his problems are connected only to hydration. Even 1% dehydration shows in observably lower productivity, energy, and contentment. This will happen if the body lacks less than a liter of water. Thirst will appear only after the level of dehydration oversteps 2%. When you're thirsty, drink water. Not caffeine or chemical drinks. And do not eat instead of drinking when you're thirsty.
If you suffer from any of these states, train yourself to think that they could be connected to not drinking enough water. And that if you drank more water, you'd have less/fewer or none of this/these state(s). If a man drinks a cup of coffee in the morning, several signs of dehydration can appear already before lunch. On hot summer days higher blood pressure + thirst can contribute to heart issues. If a man feels irritable an hour after lunch, this may be due to the combination of low blood sugar and dehydration. Grumpy moods or anger can suddenly be easy to explain from a different angle.
If you're used to drinking few liquids, know that low intake of water over the long term
Because drinking too much water weakens the digestive fire. When the digestive fire is weak, it does not properly cook the food we eat. When food is not properly cooked, the uncooked particles deposit themselves in the arteries and intestines. And from them forms a thick viscous badly smelling yellow liquid called ama - toxins. Ama is the source of all disease in the body.
Plus, if you drink litres and litres of water just because everyone - and especially drinks companies - says so, you'll also urinate more often. Your body won't absorb all that water anyway, which is why it will pass it out as urine. Since the body won't absorb all that water, you won't be hydrated any more than you would be if you drank only when you're thirsty. So what's the point in drinking gallons when your body won't absorb them and you'll only urinate more often?
Plus another - and more serious - reason why you shouldn't drink litres and litres of water either is that if you do so, it is easy to confuse hunger with thirst. When we confuse the body with eating when thirsty and especially drinking when hungry, we don't treat the body right. That leads to disease. So never drink when hungry - again because you would weaken the digestive fire, and never eat when thirsty because you would dehydrate the system and the stomach would have more difficulty with cooking - digesting - the food.
I wrote that in this article and therefore won't repeat it here. The recommendation of drinking x liters of water a day will be vague for people who don't have the patience with measuring and numbers. So what I recommend in the other article is reliable and also measurable. Of course, drink more water in high heat and during intense physical activity. And in low heat and during low physical activity you'll want less water. A small man will need a different amount from a man of 160kg.
The correctly hydrated body eliminates water roughly an hour and a half after drinking it. If you're planning an event during which you won't want to run to the bathroom often, drink 1.5 to 2 hours before its beginning. And sip water during the event if the nature of the event allows you to do so.
So what will you choose for your next drink? And if you have any health issues, The Light Bringer is here to shed light on them.
In my other article on this subject I outlined why drinking water is immensely important for men's health, productivity and even sexual performance, and why so many men don't drink water correctly or at all. But the resounding question is how to drink water correctly. Here are answers that make solid common sense and have roots in ancient medical teachings that have accompanied civilisations for thousands of years.
Manufacturers of sweet beverages lead us to regularly buy more. Nothing else interests them. And if many of us were to manufacture a soft drink, they'd also want profit first. The interest of manufacturers of sweet beverages is that their beverages be irresistible and people want more. This means that the beverages must be adequately sweet and thus become nutritionally dangerous. All soft sweet drinks have two things in common:
It is therefore best not to drink them at all. Instead buy still mineral water or drink tap water if you're in a country where drinking tap water is safe. You can always filter it. You have the option of sweetening water with artificial sweeteners (that have few calories). But it's also better not to do so. One reason is that the word artificial suggests that you'd drink chemicals. Secondly, craving the sweet taste is a matter of habit just like drinking plain water.
Many men protest that they can't drink water because x, y, z or because it tastes horribly. Of course this is so if they're used to drinks full of sugar and chemicals, caffeine, or alcohol! Don't defy, just find a way to replace caffeine, alcohol, and sugary chemical drinks with water. Because what you put into your body becomes you. Albeit you won't enjoy drinking water at first, get through it. You can flavour water with drops of lemon, lime or mint leaves. Or try herbal teas. They contain little caffeine, have flavour, heal, and can be drunk warm or cold. Your taste will change over time and you won't crave chemical drinks.
Another frequent reason why men don't want to drink water is that they would frequently urinate. While this is true, they will urinate even more from caffeinated, chemical, and alcoholic drinks! Secondly these men need to decide whether they want long-term health and sexappeal or long-term illness. Think through the pros and cons and find willingness to integrate drinking water into life.
Drinking water instead of sugary or chemical drinks will keep the stomach fuller. You won't crave sweet and salty foods. A well hydrated person simply isn't very hungry and thus will feel satisfied by smaller portions of food. Another beautiful thing which will happen over time is that the body will adjust to the new program and ask for water instead of chemical drinks. That will be a litmus test that you're on the right track. And the frequency of urination will also correct itself over time.
Many men quickly present objections to drinking water. But objecting won't bring them fitness, energy, and sexappeal. If you are used to sugary or caffeinated drinks, you naturally won't like tasteless water. But the fact that these concoctions taste so good doesn't mean that drinking them is healthy.
Drinking plain water is a matter of habit. Some readers may now protest that they won't ever let anyone tamper with their favourite drink, or that they absolutely must have water sparkling. That's also a matter of habit. These readers' dependence on sparkling water is only a psychological dependence that manufacturers of these drinks instil. The gas in sparkling water is also bad for the body. The sooner you cut sweet and sparkling drinks out of life, the sooner you'll find that it is perfectly possible to drink water. And also that after some time you won't miss sweet or carbonated drinks at all.
Especially at the beginning it's natural that you won't want to drink water often. Start by taking one sip after every 2 mouthfuls of a meal. This way you (or anyone) will partially overcome the tasteless nature of water. If you like the taste of herbal teas, you can also drink them when thirsty between meals - plus benefit from the vast variety of their flavours. If you don't like herbal teas, try the first cup of one of a flavour that sounds good to you. You can embellish it with brown sugar and a few drops of juice of the fruit of lemon or lime.
Never drink ice cold water because it is heavy on the stomach, shocks the system, weakens the digestive fire, and therefore impairs digestion. Especially obese people usually hate warm water, but warm water is exactly what they should drink to keep the digestive fire strong to digest and absorb food. It is also true that since warm water is light on the stomach, it's easy to drink. Try it! A wonderful drink for burning fat and curing emotional hunger is a glass of warm water with 10 drops of lime juice and a teaspoon of honey.
Satisfy your biological needs first. Only then can you satisfy the world. Old habits can die just as easily as new habits can arise when one believes that something will be right for him. If drinking water instead of caffein, chemicals, or alcohol isn't your habit, this article can be the turning point if it makes sense to you. Even old dogs learn new tricks. If you keep treating it with unhealthy habits, how will your body serve you in 20 years? Of course, not everyone can build new habits alone! But there's help, and I can give it to you!
The obvious benefits of the beautiful art and science of massage are all over the internet. The four not obvious benefits of massage are here.
is that massage is an excellent tool for grounding. Grounding is being down to earth - this time literally rather than figuratively. We operate best when we're connected to the earth = grounded. Most of us know the feeling of being ungrounded. It's when we have a thousand things rushing through the head at once - an overwhelm. If we move focus to the tummies, that busyness goes away. And if we move focus to the feet and from there into the ground, we will be even calmer and more stable. Grounding is a natural process. People who do sports all find grounding essential albeit they may use different words to call it. One word to call is is centering.
Massage is human touch. And human touch is very grounding, which is why many people fall asleep or into deep relaxing trance during a well done massage. When we're ungrounded, we often feel scatty, disorganized, fidgety, unsettled, uncomfortable in our bodies. This breeds times when we can't make ourselves do anything and then feel guilty for wasting precious time, but powerless to do anything about it. Some of us cope with this by comfort eating, others by drinking gallons of coffee or alcohol, smoking like chimneys, biting nails, getting high, or other ways to escape. But all these things have consequences for health, productivity, earning (potential), happiness. Regular massage will beautifully ground you and provide a relaxing escape. And its only positive consequences are another one of the not obvious benefits of massage!
Because one cause of gray hair is tense scalp from stress. Regular head massage prevents tension of the scalp. Blood then circulates freely and brings nutrients into the roots of hair. This prevents the hair from withering and going gray - or falling out before its time. So regular head massage is also beneficial for delay of baldness. And for health of the hair.
Regular massage with the right essential oils can be very helpful for preventing allergic reactions such as hay fever, because the oils absorb into the blood stream and counteract the allergic response. Of course, allergies are the result of eating foods unsuitable for one's dosha. Determining your dosha is therefore well worth the time and energy it takes. I can help any man do so. Once you know your dosha, I can give you a chart of foods that are suitable and not suitable for your dosha.
Regular massage can be a major factor in improving your sexual performance. A lot of energy gets trapped in the reproductive organs. Massage improves circulation and releases the blocks. Certain essential oils also strengthen the reproductive organs and thus improve their smooth running. What a benefit! I can also teach any man a massage that restores erectile function!
and other articles in which I've written about them are:
Are you one of many men who live alone? Or even if you do not live alone, do you look for ecological ways to keep the home clean and pleasant? These ways of using aromatherapy at home for men will certainly make your life healthier and more pleasant whether you live alone or with others:
If you have a food recycling container in the kitchen, thoroughly wash and dry it. Line it with two or three dry paper towels. Then line the container with the usual liner. Drip 25 drops of peppermint oil on a flat cosmetic cotton wool pad. Place the pad on 2 folded paper towels near the container. If you can, store the container in a dedicated cupboard. If you store the container in a cupboard, leave the container open. Leaving it open will dry the food content and also prevent insects from going into it. Change the cotton wool pad with peppermint oil every time you change the liner of the container.
soak a cotton wool bud or a piece of cotton wool in lemon juice [or neat essential oil of lemon if at hand] and insert it as far up the nostril as you can. Keep it there for 3 minutes while reclining the head. When you remove it, the bleeding will have stopped.
Drip a few drops of any essential oil on a piece of cotton wool and insert it into each shoe. The oil will take the smell away and certainly make the shoes - and even their storage space - smell beautifully!
thoroughly wash it with your traditional cleaner in your usual way. Or vinegar if you want an ecological solution. Then prepare a final rinse of water containing 3 drops of either bergamot, grapefruit, lemon, or orange essential oil to leave a fresh clean scent. Never add too much oil into the water - 3 drops to half a bucket of water are plenty. Add a splash of washing-up liquid to help the essential oils properly disperse and wipe the surfaces.
This is why lemon is the most often used agent in commercial cleaning products. If you don't have any of the essential oils listed in this article, you can also clean any surface in your home with the juice of real lemon fruit. The effect will be just as pleasant and effective.
by using certain essential oils. The fifth paragraph of this article lists the right oils for the job.
also drip 20 drops of peppermint oil on a flat cosmetic cotton wool pad and place the pad into the microwave. Of course take the pad out before heating meals!
If you don't have any essential oils at home, you can buy them in pharmacies, health or drug stores, and of course online.
I write them for you - the man out there. I write them to help you. Therefore here're other articles on this site about how men can use aromatherapy:
Your life energy is another resource with which you vote every minute. How do you vote with your energy? What do you want in life? Also, what are your highest values? Is having the right people around you important? Hence how often do you do what it takes to have the right people around you? Is connection your high value? How often do you therefore choose to connect with others? (more…)
Money, men, courtesans... You, dear reader, vote with every coin that you spend. Spending money is as much a political act as, or even more so than, casting your vote on an election day. Every time you buy a product or service you help an individual or a corporation to stay in business. Your vote says that you want the product or service to exist in the world. So what implications does this have on your choice of spending your notes and coins on companions and other entertainment? (more…)
Time is irreplaceable and the only irreplaceable of the 3 precious resources - time, money, energy/health, and therefore the most precious resource in our lives. We choose how we spend every minute of our time on this planet. Think of saying yes or no to (s)exercise. By saying yes to one activity you say no to a million others. Yet many men make wasteful choices about how they spend time. But these men unfortunately don't see that it is the wastefulness that often frustrates them. How can a man start using time more wisely?
We have 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week, 8,760 hours in a year. If you were to live to a 100, you'd live 876,000 hours from the moment of birth to the moment of death. That is not even a million hours in a lifetime. You'd have to live to 114 to clock up a million hours on this planet. Many of us would like to be able to squeeze more into the hours of each day. We study strategies for managing time and creative scheduling techniques. We try to figure out how to do a million things at once... Or how to pack as many things into a short time as possible...
How do you spend time now? A useful exercise is to track for one week how you spend it so that you can see. I helped one man to realise that he was spending too long on surfing the net comparing prices of the same massage treatment. This was cutting the time he spent with his family, or enjoying the massage treatment! He used the learning and started doing things differently.
By reading this article you have voted to give a moment to personal [and professional] growth, learning, improving the quality and enjoyment of your life. And of course I sincerely thank you for doing so! There are a million ways in which you could spend this moment. But here you are. What values are you voting for by reading these words?
Looking inside ourselves and reevaluating our habits and strategies can be a scary process. Scary things are scarier when we're alone for them. But you may never walk alone - you can get my help! It will certainly prove to be one of the best investments of time that you'll have ever made!
In a life of scarce duration seek not mere accumulation.
Because the heart knows its measure in moments of unbridled pleasure.
In a life of hours many or few the worth of each is up to you.
A million hours may seem quite vast, yet in an instant they will have passed.
So hold each one with tender care, for the beauty in each is indeed rare.
On the canvas of time let love be your hue, and savor the hours that belong to you.
Being passive in intimacy when you pay for it is a bad idea. Why? And why do some men wonder why the women whom they pay don't deliver quality intimacy either? I invite you to discover the answers. (more…)
What are the most frequent critical mistakes that men can avoid when selecting a companion?
Impatience, desperation, frustration, exhaustion, resignation, long-term suppression of pleasure, influence of substances, or various combinations thereof can drive this one. Hence when the urges hit, these men want a woman or "entertainer" immediately. So they dial several numbers and wait who responds... The danger of this approach is that men will end up selecting an unsuitable companion or "entertainer" who will care about her interest and treat them accordingly.... A vicious circle hence begins: men pay high amounts for awkward fake(d) "pleasure". Then they get frustrated and repeat the mistake...
Years go by and cut the precious time these men have on the planet... How is that fun? Wouldn't selecting a companion or entertainer who had all the traits of your dreams be more fun? Look at it this way: if a woman called you and didn't even know who she was talking to and where she saw your number, what message would she send? That she doesn't care about who she goes with. And if she doesn't care, what basis is that for your good time with her? The message is subtle, but powerful and profoundly disrespectful. Does the fact that she's paying entitle her to disrespect? If it does, will disrespect breed respect?
Many men don't even remember where they see the details of the women they call. Again, impulsive behaviour. Let's feel good. Who cares about research? Let's have fun right now - often also in a state altered by alcohol, drugs, or both. That state is certainly not conducive to research. But if you don't do your research, how do you know what you're signing up for? Associating with the wrong person could have tragic - at worst even lethal - consequences for your health, career, family, life...
Another benefit of researching the companion whose pictures you liked in an ad is that you know what you can expect. You know what you will get for your money. And you won't put yourself in an awkward position.
Plus you'll come across as much more respectful if you show that you've made an informed choice! Planning prevents poor performance. Investing a few minutes in research of the pretty woman in the picture that has caught your eye will pay you higher dividends than will be the amount of her fee. I also recommend that you read this article - its gist is related to this topic.
This one may sound crazy, but is the most common. Even men who care about who they go with and do their research often do not know what they want from a companion. Or even why they look for one. Think about it: do you have clear criteria for selecting a companion? Do you know what you want from her and your relationship with her?
What's your goal of wanting to engage with a companion or other type of entertainer? To feed your ego? To blunt the emptiness in your life from which you can't hide? Perhaps to deflect your anger at something or someone? To prove to yourself that money can buy you pleasure? Or to celebrate life and its finer moments? Or even to have a stable consistent companion / perhaps lover / friend whom you can entrust things that your family and friends shouldn't know? What do you want her to do and be for you? Get this clear - perhaps even on paper. You will focus on selecting the right person. Not leaving it to chance.
most often look for women in the low rungs of the industry. But there's plenty of room for improvement in the high rungs too. If all men who are in my circle of friends can have been selective about their companion, so can you - if you're one of the men who need to learn this lesson.
The added benefit of caring, doing your research, and knowing what you want is that your companion or partner in fun will view you as an intelligent being worthy of her time and energy. Hence your relationship will begin on a solid basis. And you should do all three things! After all, don't you want to buy connection which should be far more intimate than are all other connections with all other people in your life?
I'm here to help you get clear about what you want, why you should care who you go with, and how to do your research before you go with them.
Being intimately frustrated is certainly not an accident. It happens because some things that men do and don't do make it so. Men may think that the reason why they are intimately frustrated is rather straightforward. But in most cases it is not. After all, intimate frustration accumulates due to a combination of factors. And one can certainly influence a lot of them. So how can intimately frustrated men get the body and mind to live in harmony? How can they be intimate fulfilled? Here're some handy ways:
In conclusion the good news is that any man can cure intimate frustration himself. Given these points, to start this process also consider getting some coaching. Or would you like to know anything else? You can certainly ask.
If you sit in cars or at desks for long periods of time, this quick simple neck and shoulder self-massage will relieve the creeping tension and tight painful muscles. And the relief will certainly make you fresh and productive for longer. So I invite you to learn it here!
Tilt the head back. Squeeze the flesh at the base of the neck on either side of the spine with the palms and fingers of each hand. While squeezing, slowly roll the head forward. Hold the stretch for ten seconds. Return the head to an upright position. The amount of flesh you squeeze will depend on how relaxed your muscles are.
Stroke your hands up and down the back of the neck to warm the area up. Make deep circular pressures all around the neck with the fingers of both hands. Certainly do not apply pressure to the spine.
Place the left hand on the right shoulder and squeeze the muscle there. While holding the squeeze, slowly rotate the shoulder backwards. A grinding noise indicates that the muscles are tense. Repeat the massage with the right hand on the left shoulder.
Pummel the right shoulder with the left hand to bring fresh blood to the area. Support the left elbow with the right hand for comfort and keep the wrist loose and floppy as you swiftly strike the flesh. Repeat the pummelling on the left shoulder. This will probably be very pleasant.
Firmly stroke from the centre of the chest outwards with the fingers while applying deep pressure between the ribs. When you reach the edges of the ribcage, return to the centre and repeat the massage. Feel for and concentrate on tense spots as you work over the chest.
will certainly relieve tension during a working day. You'll therefore be happier, because the pain of the creeping tension won't occupy the mind. We can't be productive when something hurts. You can do the massage through clothes and also absolutely anywhere. The benefits of regular massage in the long term are truly marvellous for you and all people around you. I'm qualified in 8 types of massage. Would you like to know more? Let me tell you.
To find a companion can be as exhausting as dating, and perhaps even more so. This is because when we are to pay, we expect to get the perfect person and experience for our hard earned money. That is exactly how it should be. But the reality is full of the exact opposite. If the person and experience do not turn out to be perfect, isn't that upsetting? So how can men who want to find a companion shorten the costly trial and error? And how can men prevent finding the wrong person in today's world of false claims and scams?
When you want to buy a car, house, or something online, you won't buy it without looking at the features. You'll know what features you want the item to have. You'll then research the item and certainly question the salesman accordingly. So apply the same principle when you want to find a companion. Companions can cost just as much as cars or houses over time. If you buy items with features that are right for you, it makes sense to do the same to find a companion. It is important to find the right person especially if you want to get intimate with her. After all, you are looking for intimacy, not a transaction!
Men are risk takers. They sometimes therefore make choices solely on instinctual impulse rather than on a combination of the head, heart, and gut feeling. And they do so even in this age of scams, conartistry, and ripoff in every sphere of life - and in this one too! Exactly due to so much fraud reading ads, features, and researching advertisers therefore always makes sense. Pretty pictures in ads are to hook you. To make you click on impulse. Don't do it. Be vigilant, as you don't know who the advertiser is and what she can do to you.
But the vast majority of men doesn't pay attention to what women say about themselves in directory listings and on their websites. Not informing yourself can even be dangerous, because if a man doesn't know who he sees, he can get into dangerous situations. After all, the woman might be an addict or trafficked, as most women who falsely advertise companionship are prostitutes. And she might not even know that her ad is on the listing which you saw. Her pimp might have listed her without her knowledge. Do you want to finance human trafficking? Or do you want to be scammed, robbed, threatened, or blackmailed for money when you get to such woman's premises?
The benefit = you'll find exactly who and what you want, and what and why you don't. And you'll avoid scammers, fraudsters, and financing organised crime. You'll always stay safe and away from hassle, blackmail, threats. And you'll have guaranteed joyful times. I wrote this article to help you. Practise on my website. And you are always welcome to tell me what you think!