Ayurveda has an easily understandable explanation and treatment for common sexual problems in men (and women). And I as a healer by intimacy and eternal student and practitioner of Ayurveda want to let men know about them. I will do so in the alphabetical order of the most common sexual problems that men have in the western countries.
How Ayurveda explains erectile dysfunction has its own article since so many men unfortunately have it. Hence I won't repeat myself here as I value your time. A click on the link to the article will take less time than reading more paragraphs here.
Impotence, a man's inability to have or maintain erection, can have several causes. The causes can be emotional, stress, and physical. For example, when a man has high cholesterol, fat and plaque can deposit themselves on the vessels that lead to the penis. The deposits will block the flow of blood to the penis and result in a "penis attack" in which the blood supply is insufficient to erect the penis or keep it erect. Exactly the same principle as with heart attack.
One remedy is to massage the pubic area (lower part of the abdomen) and the root of the penis with a few drops of mahanarayana oil. This will improve circulation and may be enough to cure the problem. Or one can apply either bala oil or ashwagandha oil directly to the penis. Massaging above the prostate gland [midway between the scrotum and anus] with either mahanarayana oil or bala oil or ashwagandha oil can also benefit. If you do not have the oils, you can use plain ghee. Massage with light pressure firstly in circles and then in strokes from the anus to the base of the penis. This will improve circulation. Another remedy is to drink a cup of warm milk with a pinch of saffron every night. This increases the sperm count. And finally, beneficial yoga postures are the rooster, elevated lotus, vajrasana, chakra asana, and the bow pose.
Libido is the desire for pleasure and satisfaction. According to Ayurveda this desire comes from the male and female reproductive tissues. When there is weakness in the reproductive tissues, libido is low. Many people have low libido at middle or even earlier age. Emotional factors (which influence people at every age) and high stress (prevalent at young and middle age) are additional primary causes of low libido. It can be effectively treated with Ayurvedic programs and remedies that reduce stress and strengthen the reproductive system. Emotional factors can effectively be treated with coaching. But as always in Ayurveda, the question what is the total context of the situation arises. On one hand low libido can be a problem. On the other hand it can be a healthy response of the body preventing excessive loss of the health-giving vital fluid. From this perspective the body responds intelligently.
Intentional celibacy is different from low libido. There is immense sexual power/energy in celibacy, but a person consciously controls that energy and transforms it into supreme bliss or intelligence. In low libido the energy simply lacks. So here are several ways to increase it.
Gently press the glans penis (the head or top of the penis) with the top of the index finger. Press on the groove about one inch behind the tip of the penis. There is a marma point at the centre of the groove. Gently press for a minute or two, then release. This technique also helps to remediate premature ejaculation. You can also gently massage the glans penis with either bala oil, shatavari ghee, castor oil, or brahmi ghee. Taking the ashwagandha herb is effective internally. Add 1 teaspoon of ashwagandha powder and half a teaspoon of vidari to a cup of warm milk and drink it at night. It is better to leave the herbs in the milk for a few minutes than to mix them with the milk and drink immediately.
Soak 10 raw (not roasted) almonds in water overnight. In the morning peel the skins and eat with breakfast. Or soack 10 raw almonds in water overnight. In the morning peel the skins and put them into a blender with 1 cup of warm milk, 1 teaspoon of plain ghee, 1 teaspoon of natural sugar, a pinch of nutmeg, and a pinch of saffron. Thoroughly blend and enjoy this yummy drink. Or soak 10 fresh dates in a quart jar of plain ghee and add 1 teaspoon of finely chopped fresh ginger, an eighth of a teaspoon of cardamom powder, and a pinch of saffron. Cover the jar and keep it in a warm place for at least 2 weeks. Then eat 1 date a day in the early morning. These dates are one more wonderfully tasting gift of Ayurveda for low libido and sexual problems.
Another delicious remedy is to remove the skins and cores of 5 raw apples, blend or mash them into a pulp, thoroughly mix, add homey to taste, an eighth of a teaspoon of cardamom powder, a pinch of nutmeg, a pinch of saffron, and 10 drops of rosewater. Enjoy half a cup of this delicious dessert at least an hour after meals. Do not eat yogurt, milk, and fish at least 4 hours before and after eating this dessert.
Adding more garlic and onions to the diet also helps. However, these foods can be dulling to the mind which is why they're not good for meditation. So if that is your concern, add only very little of them if you don't eat them at all. And don't add more if you eat them. If meditation is not your concern, you can also mix 1 cup of milk, quarter of a cup of warm water, and 1 clove of chopped garlic. Gently boil until you have only 1 cup of liquid, and drink at bedtime. Or take 1 tablespoon of onion juice mixed with 1 teaspoon of fresh ginger twice a day.
...is caused primarily by aggravation of vata - the biological air = that which moves everything in the body. I explained vata in the article on Ayurveda and why your partner doesn't want sex when you do. The quickness and heightened sensitivity to touch of vata predispose for faster ejaculation. A person of vata constitution cannot sustain sex for long in general. When vata is unduly increased in a person with a vata constitution, premature ejaculation is common and not surprising. Nervousness, fear or anxiety may also be involved. But this is also largely due to aggravated vata. Thus the main avenue of treatment is to balance vata.
Another possible cause is cholesterol and the related high triglycerides. Cholesterol deposits itself in the blood vessels of the penis and the whole reproductive system. The blood vessels become thick and narrow. The supply of blood to the penis and prostate is then insufficient. That causes lack of sphincter control and leads to ejaculating prematurely. But even this condition can be cured. with simple natural remedies and discipline over time.
One remedy is to add 5-10 drops of mustard oil to 1 ounce of sesame oil and gently massage the penis. This pleasant treatment will dilate the blood vessels and thus improve the circulation of blood to the penis. IMPORTANT: do this massage at least 1 hour before intercourse and thoroughly wash the penis before intercourse. Otherwise the heating oils could burn your partner's delicate skin. You can also use castor oil which improves the tone of the sphincter muscles. Brahmi ghee, shatavari ghee, or ashwagandha ghee are good alternatives for massaging the pubic bone and glans penis before making love.
Another remedy is to practise stimulating the penis up to ejaculation, but not ejaculating. Then sit up straight (in a lotus posture if you can), pull (or suck) the anus inward, and release in a series of 10 tense-release movements. This will train the penis to be ready but not to ejaculate. You must practise with great care to succeed at this. Do this exercise 1 to 2 hours before making love. The third way to control ejaculation is contracting the muscles of the buttocks. The fourth way is to gently press the marma point at the centre of the underside on the glans penis, suck the anus inward at the same time, hold for 5 seconds, and release. Repeat 10 times. This improves the blood supply to the penis and helps to maintain erection. Do this about 1 hour before sex.
As premature ejaculation is a vata disorder, men with this problem should eat cooked warm oily liquid foods and few raw, cold, rough foods. Examples of raw cold rough foods are salads of raw vegetables, nuts, seeds, cereals, chips [crisps], and cold drinks. Examples of warm cooked oily foods are mashed potatoes, cooked rice dishes, curries, cooked stews, cooked apples, cooked vegetables, soups. Men who have high cholesterol should eat foods that maintain cholesterol low. Diabetic men should eat little refined sugar or ideally completely avoid it.
Mahanarayana oil, bala oil, and ashwagandha oil are not commonly sold at health stores and pharmacies in the west. Mustard oil is more commonly sold, but its quantity doesn't guarantee its high quality. One must therefore buy them online carefully. Carefully because the herbal market is in higher and higher demand and therefore more and more adulterated. I definitely don't recommend buying these oils on Amazon and from similar retailers as there is the highest chance of buying adulterated products. Every seller promises his products to be organic and natural, but that can mean anything in today's world of loose regulations, inaccurate language, and legal workarounds. The surest sources of clean products are Ayurvedic clinics and companies that produce these oils and other herbal medicines directly for Ayurvedic clinics. Google an Ayurvedic clinic near a location convenient to you.
If you want to get these oils to an address in the UK, you will get clean products from the Ayurvedic clinic. If you want to have these oils delivered to an address in the USA, you will get clean ones from Banyan Botanicals.
Plain ghee is easy, cheaper, and better to make at home than to buy in stores. Making it takes half an hour of clear time. Ghee from stores can contain additives for prolonging its life - and maximising the sellers' profits. Those additives are by the way absolutely not necessary as ghee can be stored in cupboards for years and actually improves medicinal properties with age! But a working professional man will most likely not have half an hour to make it. So if you must recourse to buying ghee, buy one with as few additives as you can get. Making medicated ghee at home is a long process, so it is better to buy it with care. The Ayurvedic herbs mentioned in this article are also best to buy from Ayurvedic clinics.
...if one treats himself according to its principles with discipline and gives it time. Time heals, discipline makes miracles. The treatments described in this article may seem laborious, but are not more laborious than remembering to take several allopathic medicines. While allopathy manages disease, Ayurveda cures disease. As long as the toxins in the body that cause disease or vata, pitta, or kapha are aggravated, allopathic medicines will only make the problem worse. Ayurvedic treatments applied with discipline will clean the toxins and balance vata, pitta, and kapha over time. And that is how Ayurveda cures sexual problems in men determined to heal them by natural means.
Of course, one can read an article and be inspired to do what appeals. But then life goes on and most men do not do what they read. Well, doing what I can for men is part of how I heal, help, and bring light of pleasure into their lives. Doing what I can is part of our experiences together. So if you'd like to try, start a conversation.
How does Ayurveda explain erectile dysfunction?
If the western world has excellent sanitation, advanced healthcare, and all the food and medicines that one can think of, why can so many men not make their penises rise to the occasion? Surely if the reasons were due to sanitation, healthcare, food, or medicines, every man’s penis would be a rockstar. So how does the first and oldest medical system and science of life explain this paradox?
Really? Really! The downside of the desire for wealth, luxury, success, power, prestige, status, material and social establishment, and women is stress. When one chases these values, one pays in stress. And stress does not make the penis stand. Just think, dear reader, about your emotional disposition. It will highly likely be easy to find stress. Because men who do not feel stress and surf sites on which they find this article are few. Exception proves the rule.
Stress is an emotion. A man whose penis doesn’t rise is not entirely happy whether he recognises or admits it or not. He usually does admit it when he opens up in coaching. But coaching is unfortunately a rare occasion for men to open the hearts and express emotions. The at least western society forces men not to express emotions! When a man cries, he is weak. Crying is for women. When a man gets emotional, he makes others cringe – or is gay! Emotions are for women and homosexuals.
But men are beings with hearts too. So how can you tell a heart not to feel? After all, men are also romantic, artistic, dreamers. All these dispositions are emotional. A heart feels the same whether it belong to a man or a woman. So if men are not to express emotions in the world, of course it reflects on their sex. Emotions propel sex as much as physical urges.
This may annoy readers who are adamant that they won’t let anyone lecture them on changing their favourite food and drinks. Fine. We all choose our lives every second. Exactly as you chose to read this article for which I thank you and you will hopefully thank yourself one day, so those readers choose whether they want erectile function or dysfunction. If they want function, something has to give. The truth that what and how a man eats and drinks makes the penis rise or not rise stays true nonetheless.
I mentioned dhatus in my first article about Ayurveda and sex. The dhatus were irrelevant for the point of that article. But they are at the core of relevance now. If a man eats incompatibly combined foods and drinks drinks that are poor in nutrients, the dhatus will not be nourished. The dhatus are the structural blocks of the body: plasma, blood, muscles, fat, bones, bone marrow, reproductive tissues. The penis is a muscle. Blood circulates through the penis. Reproductive fluids come out of the penis. If one dhatu is not sufficiently nourished, nor will be the successive dhatu.
The dhatus go in the order in which I named them. The order is fixed, not interchangeable. Therefore if we speak of only blood, muscle, and reproductive tissues, we speak of the second, third, and seventh dhatu. A man must eat and drink very healthily if the reproductive fluids are to be of high quality as they are a product of the last dhatu. Hence all the dhatus before the last one must be well nourished in order for the nutrients to get to and nourish the last one. This logic shows that a man’s way of eating and drinking therefore also directly affects sperm count.
But back to the dhatus. If the plasma doesn’t get proper nourishment from food and drinks, nor will the blood, nor will the muscle, therefore the penis won’t have the strength to stand.
I explained the 3 doshas – physical constitutions – in the article about Ayurveda and sex and won’t repeat myself here. One click will take you to the explanation. So we continue. Vata men have erectile dysfunction the most often. Because they don’t eat well. Vata people do not eat regularly, do not eat at times of the day when the digestive tract is best disposed to process food, and often do not drink enough fluids. A man who eats erratically will inevitably not be properly nourished. So his penis won’t stand.Vata people are often insecure, full of fear, emotionally unstable. One day they’re dressed, the next day they sing and dance. Emotions power and do not power erections. Emotional dysfunction = erectile dysfunction.
Pitta people have high digestive fire. They usually eat regularly as they cannot be hungry because when they are hungry, they are weak or dizzy. But as their digestive fire is high, they often eat too often, which is the other extreme of vata eating. If people eat too often, toxins form from particles of food that the digestive tract did not have time to digest before the next meal. The toxins then penetrate the plasma, blood, muscle, fat, bones, bone marrow, and reproductive fluids. Pitta people also like alcohol which is serious poison to all the dhatus. And pitta people love living luxurious lifestyles, which has the price of frequent eating, alcohol, and other unhealthy habits.
Besides all that pitta people move the economy. They are the workaholics, they are the executives, academics, and high professionals. These professions generate pressure and stress and we’re back to the first section of this article. When one is stressed, the penis doesn’t stand. And to alleviate the stress many folks drink coffee, alcohol, smoke, etc. Those things also don’t make penises stand.
Kapha people have their own problems. They love to eat and thus often eat even without being hungry. That makes them easily get fat. Obesity does not rise the penile muscle. Obesity makes people want to sit and eat more, hate exercise, be lazy and lethargic. This vicious circle can spiral into depression. So with all these factors it is easy to see how Ayurveda explains kapha people’s erectile dysfunction.
should now make perfect sense. The good thing is that a man can change several of the factors mentioned here easily and free of charge. If you scream that you can’t change them easily, I’m not a coach and holistic companion for nothing. I can gladly help you with my knowledge of NLP and Ayurveda. We can start a conversation.
An ad for coaching among ads for sex? Why? And why not?
The society is broken, people are broken. Hence coaching will have only higher value. And that applies in all spheres of life - sport (where coaching came from), business, personal affairs, and especially the defunct adult industry which counts under personal affairs. Men who have to pay for women have problems somewhere in life. That's a pragmatic fact no matter how rude, crass, coarse, raw, or confrontational it may sound to some readers. Many of the men who must recourse to buying sex or even human company have problems that reach far more widely than the men themselves. Examples are problems with children, partners, work... but mainly expressing feelings. When it all becomes too much, they resort to escapism - or therapy.
There's a difference between therapy and coaching, and I'm a coach. Coaching is appropriate for people who do basically well and want to do better. An example is that men have enough money, good families, dearly love their partners, but want more better intimacy. So they do basically well in life, but want to do better in one sphere which isn't good and therefore negatively affects other spheres of life.
While escapism feels good, it is a short-term distraction that does not fix the root cause. It can moreover create dependence, addiction, ugly vicious circles which can destroy lives in the long term if they circle too far out of control. Plus the people who earn from these false pleasures do not add value, but rather deepen the misery.
Coaching is not the same as having sex. Men want sex because sex is deeply wired in them and they need it. But men also have sex as an escape route from the hassle of having to sort out family problems or upset their home comforts. Some men profess that sex with strangers is the spice of life, fun, exciting, raises the adrenaline. This is a valid point. But no matter what anyone says, the fact that if a man must buy sex or even just human company, it reflects a sad soul.
I could be one of the billions of women who sell sex on escort and "escort" directories. I could be the billion first who deepens the misery and cares only about how much she gets. But I never liked and never will like being of the billions. And I care firstly about contributing something clean and valuable to individuals and thus the society and secondly about how much I get. So I advertise coaching among ads for sex because why not? And also because that is where men will find it and pay attention when they find it. Why not do something different? Many a radical idea changed the world. If only I could change the worlds of these successful yet sad men, I would. Why not?
If you have been a friend for years, I dearly hope that you will let me continue to change yours. And if you are a stranger who came across this article by serendipity, I would like to change yours.
Ayurveda, doshas, sex. Well, dear reader, as far as I know no one has brought light to the man of this world on this subject in writing so far. I'm not the light bringer to the world for nothing! So as I always live up to the name, I decided to be the first to write about how Ayurveda explains why your partner never or rarely wants sex when you do! I guarantee you that after reading this you will understand yourself and your partner much better!
Ayurveda is a Sanskrit word which means the science of life. And a very profound science and the oldest of all sciences it is indeed! It has no beginning and no end, hence no one knows exactly when it came to existence. We know only that it has existed for more than 5,000 years - and longer every day as time flies. It originates in India, but does not belong to the Indians. Ayurveda is for everyone in every country and its mission is to heal the world. It heals if used well, for it is a medical system. But it is not only a medical system. It incorporates quantum physics, philosophy, psychology, and much more. And of course, Ayurveda - the science of life - incorporates sex! More will become clear as you read on.
Ayurveda teaches that the human body consists of three fundamental categories: doshas (subtle elements)dhatus (plasma, blood, muscles, fat, bones, bone marrow, reproductive fluids) and malas
The dhatus and malas are not relevant for the topic of this article. Like everything else, the doshas (literal translation is faults) comprise the five basic elements. And different elements predominate in different doshas. Every person has the three doshas. And their proportion forms the genetic makeup - the physical constitution - of every person. The first dosha is vata, composed of space and air. The second dosha is pitta, composed of fire and water. And the third dosha is kapha, composed of water and earth. This information will be useful later.
As Sanskrit is a profound language and the English language is not sufficient for accurately translating words from Sanskrit, the names of the doshas are difficult to translate into western terms. The closest translation of vata is the bodily air - the principle of movement - that which moves everything in the body. But the air in the external atmosphere is not the same as the air in the body. Vata is the subtle energy that governs all movement in and of the body.
Pitta is translated as fire, although the term does not mean the fire of a candle or in a fireplace. It is the digestive fire, the bodily heat energy which manifests as metabolism. Pitta governs digestion, absorption, assimilation, nutrition, metabolism, temperature, skin coloration, the lustre of the eyes, intelligence, and understanding. Pitta out of balance arouses anger, hatred, fierce competition, and jealousy.
The translation of kapha is biological water. Water is the main constituent of kapha, therefore kapha governs everything liquid in the body and more. However, as kapha also has earth predominant, kapha holds all the elements of the body together, gives physical structure, and maintains resistance. Kapha is also responsible for attachment, greed, longstanding envy, calmness, forgiveness and love.
A balance among the doshas is necessary for health. The air principle kindles the bodily fire, but water is necessary to control the fire so that the fire does not burn everything. Vata moves kapha and pitta since kapha and pitta are immobile.
To understand why your partner does not want sex when you do we must know the attributes - qualities - of the doshas. So the attributes of vata are light, clear, cold, mobile, dry, rough, subtle. Imagine cold air flying out of a bottle and you will know the attributes of vata. Pitta is oily, light, hot, sharp, mobile = spreading, smelling badly, liquid. Imagine bile and you'll know the attributes of pitta. Kapha is heavy, cold, oily, sticky, dull, soft, firm. Imagine mud and you'll know the attributes of kapha.
Of course, the attributes also manifest in the psychological and emotional sphere. And this is the bridge to the topic of this article. So since vata is like cold air out of a bottle, vata people want to fly - without direction. They're often creative. Indeed, many artists are vata. And due to the subtle attribute of vata they're immensely happy cheerful folks when they are balanced. The light and mobile qualities of vata make them want to fly from thing to thing - and from relationship to relationship! They're therefore quick to start and just as quick to finish things and relationships if they have the direction to finish them at all! Their speaking and acting can be immensely chaotic as one cannot tell air which way to fly!
Imbalanced vata is insecure, afraid, anxious, often low on confidence. Vata people therefore often stay in relationships out of fear of being alone even if they don't want to be in them if they don't have the confidence to finish them. Hence vata people either finish relationships quickly as they get bored easily or bottle feelings up and stay in relationships out of fear even if they don't want to be in them. They are also unfortunately often misunderstood by society as the western society is set up by and for pitta people.
The western society is set up by and for pitta people. Hence life has an order and everything has a place and time. The sharp quality of pitta makes pitta people's minds sharp, which lands them in high and leading positions at work. Most world and spiritual leaders are and were pitta. Pitta people are direct, don't waste words, and mean their words. The hot quality of pitta makes pitta people's tempers flare quickly. It is easy for them to get angry, especially when they are imbalanced. Pitta people don't suffer fools gladly and forgive, but never forget. The mobile - spreading - quality of pitta makes pitta people competitive and eager to spread their fame, be the best, be respected and recognised, and leave their mark or legacy.
The badly smelling quality of pitta perhaps or certainly unconsciously is why pitta people love perfumes and all things smelling greatly. They often have a lot of perfumes and like their clean organised homes to smell great as well. The predominant elements of pitta are fire and water. Fire is connected to vision, water is connected to taste. Pitta people are therefore highly visual and thus like food, homes, clothes, things nicely presented. They often seek luxury and do well in luxurious environments.
Imbalanced pitta is highly flammable, angry, hating, jealous. Imbalanced pitta people are also often arrogant, competitive through dead bodies, and domineering.
If you imagine a person who is heavy, cold, oily, sticky, dull, soft, firm, the fact that kapha people are set in their ways won't surprise you. They act slowly, and that can be very dull for people who want to fly or get results! Kapha people live in and love with the whole hearts. They care, share, and act with soft smiles. They're definitely down to earth and earthy. After all, one of the predominant elements of kapha is earth!
An imbalanced kapha is extremely attached to things, wealth, and people. Attachment can grow to greed. And longstanding envy is another negative trait of kapha.
The light and mobile attributes of vata make people of this dosha have high sex drive and want sex quickly and immediately as the urge for it arises. When they have it, it lasts short. Vata men most often ejaculate much more quickly than they'd like and then feel that after ejaculation there's nothing else to give in the act of intimacy. The physical need is satisfied. And premature ejaculating often brings insecurity and fear of not being good enough for their partners. Hence they're as quick with the act of sex as they are with everything else in life at large.
We now know that pitta people like order, fare well in a routine, and everything has a place and time. So does sex. Pitta people like to have sex by appointment as they are busy with their often high or leading positions at work and high lives - often in luxurious dimensions! Pitta people are highly visual and therefore like order, cleanliness, colour coordination, and presentation that pleases the eyes. This is where their desire for preparing the right atmosphere for sex comes from. Candlelight, rose petals on the neat bed, the right type of music, and a nice scent in the air is a matter of course. A nice meal with some wine and then a bath or shower and perfumes are part of the preparatory ritual for sex.
Kapha people already live in and with their hearts. Hence they welcome, but don't need a luxurious atmosphere for sex. Albeit they have very high sex drive, their slow heavy attributes don't pull them to start sex. In fact, to get many kapha people to make love can be a challenge even though their high sex drive makes this a total paradox. But once you manage to get them into the mood, they're immensely attentive lovers. And the high sex drive will finally be clear to you when they show you how they can keep going while you're exhausted after the best orgasm of your life!
Now this should be clearer. Vata people - air out of a bottle - are quick. To sail through a pitta partner's conditions and preparatory ceremony for sex bores and confuses them. Pitta people like to enjoy sex in style. Style has conditions and takes preparation. Vata partners do not have patience for that. And pitta people will rarely yield an inch from their principles! While pitta people prepare for sex, kapha partners fall asleep! When everything is ready, pitta partners must wake kapha partners up and warm them up into the mood! Vata people are too quick for kapha partners. Kapha partners are too slow for vata partners.
So what to do? Well, you have done the first thing. You can now hopefully guess whether your partner is vata, pitta, or kapha and which type you are. And you now understand the dynamic between you and your partner. When we understand, we have a choice to act. We can get our partners involved in the preparations for sex. One lights the candles, the other makes the bed... When both partners work together, the anticipation rises. Vata people will be too busy to think about quickly satisfying the urge. Kapha people will be too busy to fall asleep. Pitta people will get the style. Everyone will be happy.
By the way, if you cannot guess which type you are, contact me. I will give you a chart according to which you will determine your constitution. And when you know how to determine your constitution = type, you will be able to determine anyone's. I'm always here for you - the men of the world. And I'll write about Ayurveda and matters of sex more as I learn more.
Men who seek deep connection go online. They're willing to spend years of time, money, energy on finding it. But when one out of a million women finally offers the opportunity to create a deep connection, many men don't want it. How is this contradiction possible? (more…)
Massage is brilliant for good sleep. Why? I'll tell you in this short article which was born thanks to a conversation with a man who has been getting massage from me for years. Bless his heart and I thank him for the loyalty and inspiration! I wrote that conversations are important for a reason. But that's another article. This one is for all the corporate men who work hard, are perpetually in the fast lane, and may have bad sleep from all the beating of the corporate world.
I wrote about sleep, so won't repeat myself. Massage is not just good, but an excellent long-term treatment for sleep for several reasons. The first one is that massage relaxes the muscles and we sleep only when the body is relaxed. We won't sleep when the body is tense. It's as simple as that. The second reason is that massage relaxes the mind too. And when the mind is happy, it sleeps well. Again, no rocket science.
The third reason is that massage is a long-term ecological natural solution. While the body habituates to sleeping pills after 6 weeks and then people pay big money for no effect and only negative side effects, massage doesn't have negative side effects if it's done well, i.e. if the practitioner doesn't break your spine! In fact, massage has lots of other benefits about which I wrote years ago. Well done massage can even be better than sex and even has 4 much less obvious benefits too.
The fourth reason is that if massage is combined with aromatherapy, the healing properties of essential oils amplify the good effects of massage. And the best for last - an experienced aromatherapist will massage you with oils that promote good sleep! Two birds with one stone.
Of course massage costs time, energy, and money, be it for sleep or whatever. In a world of only rising costs of everything many folks' first objection will be that regular massage is expensive. Well, medicines also cost a bomb and will also cost only more. And the body habituates to medicines after 6 weeks while doctors are salespeople of pharmaceutical medicines and want you to pay the costs of sleeping pills for life regardless of whether the pills work. So how does that compare? At least massage always has good effects on several things, not only sleep. In other words the body never habituates to massage. And the mind definitely never habituates to health!
The second way of looking at the cost of massage for good sleep is that you'll pay a price one way or another. When the sleeping pills no longer work, what then? It'll be time to up the ante... and what's the next level? To buy more sleeping aids? They'll cost too. And won't guarantee that good sleep which a well massaged body will get. Because it's back to the first reason - when the muscles are perpetually tense and full of toxins that ever gather and never leave, sleeping aids will clearly never match the benefits of massage.
So, dear corporate man, entrepreneur, businessman, and man in every high profession which fills the body and mind with perpetual tension, stress, toxins, if you have bad sleep, I hope to have brought long sought light into your life and you'll sleep better tonight only knowing that you've finally found a way to treat bad sleep that won't harm and will benefit your health, happiness, and productivity in many ways.
How to get intimacy into marriage? This will interest all married or partnered men who haven't been intimate with their dear wives or partners for years and don't know how to bring intimacy into the marriage or partnership again even if they dearly love the ladies of their lives. Married men who most likely "solve" the problem by paying a lot of time, money, and energy to prostitutes who don't give them intimacy either while the men could pay that time, money, and energy to rekindling the magic with the loves of their lives. The intimately frustrated married man for long years knows well that the adult industry doesn't solve his problem and may even have learnt this fact the hard way before he came to my website!
I often hear men say that "but my wife doesn't have a strong sex drive". Gentlemen, remember that a woman does not need sex as much and often as a man. A woman can be without sex for long and not miss it. That's a fact of life - women are different. But when you get a woman into it, she'll last longer than you, because that is another difference between the sexes. So don't worry about her sex drive. Worry about getting her into it. And there are ways to do so. Consistently apply these ways and be patient. You'll see that she will change and intimacy will come back to you. The good news is that it is very easy to begin. Start on the levels of environment and behaviour. They are the easiest to change and can have the strongest impact.
1. Buy several pillar or even votive candles and place them on the dinner table and in the bedroom. Start lighting a candle for dinners. It's a small gesture of something very profound. Again, think how this small change to your daily dinner would make you feel if someone did it to you. You'll then know exactly how it will feel to wifey!
2. Buy some ecological and romantic form of room fragrance - an oil burner and oils to burn in it or incense sticks are best. Burn the fragrance in the evenings when you and she are at home together. Votive candles are another option, but their scent is too weak.
3. Start buying your lady little gifts. Chocolate, flowers, a candle, her favourite tea... the little daily things that she likes. Small inexpensive things. I don't know a person who doesn't like getting presies, especially if they're a total surprise - spontaneous on an ordinary day, not conditioned by holidays. These gifts will make a tremendous impact and would to you if you received them!
4. Start doing small acts of service for her that you haven't done for years. Example: make her coffee or tea or make the bed... something small mundane like that. Or secretly repair what has been broken for long and let her find it fixed.
5. Start touching her daily. Examples: touch her shoulder when passing her, put your hand on her thigh when sitting with her, stroke her hair while passing her once in a while, or something like that. A small touch in passing during the day. Nothing sexual yet.
6. When you thank her for having done or helped you with something, kiss her on the cheek or forehead or stroke her hair. This is another small gesture that will go a long way.
7. Celebrate Valentine's Day. Light all those candles on Valentine's evening and go to bed at the same time as she. If you start touching her during the day on the day after reading this, you'll have been touching her for some time by the next Valentine's Day. That will have prepared the perfect ground for cuddling up to her in the candlelight on Valentine's eve. Just cuddle, nothing sexual yet. Tell her that you've loved her for all the years while you weren't intimate and will always love and protect her. You miss the intimacy very much and would love to rekindle the magic that drove you to the altar or life together if you are not married. While telling her this just stroke her hair, shoulder, or arm. And see how her heart will start melting... and even if Valentine's eve doesn't bloom into making love, you'll have gone a long way.
8. Take up dancing together. Dancing returns magic to couples like nothing else! It's not surprising: Where do most people go to get sex for one night? To nightclubs! Because the atmosphere of the flickering disco lights, rhythm pumping through the body, sexy movements of sexily dressed bodies, and the steam from the DJ's steam machine turn us on. And so it therefore is that most relationships formed in nightclubs don't last because they're based on sex and carnal attraction. But dance is making love to music. It indeed takes two to tango. It teaches both dancers to lead and follow, to attune to each other - a powerful metaphor for life in partnership. Dance is a form of art which both dancers create. We're fulfilled and happy when we create. Hence dance makes us happy. Dance regularly - every two weeks. Make dancing an activity to look forward to.
Try these ways, and these ways may inspire you to invent other ways. And you are always welcome to tell me about your progress. A companion in the true sense of the word, and especially a good coach is liberating to confide in. I worked on myself and evolved over the decades. Now I am far more experienced in life and therefore able to add value to frustrated married men who want to know how to get intimacy back into marriage or partnership. I helped many to rekindle intimacy in their partnerships. So I can always help you. Have YOUR interests at heart before mine. And I remind you that you'll need patience as the wifey or partner won't change overnight. But patience is a virtue, is it not?
Why does the adult industry not fulfil its role in the society? How is it possible that the adult industry which turns billions a year worldwide leaves so much sexual deprivation, violence, and harassment worldwide? How can it be that men seem to be more deprived of sex than ever at the time of the biggest adult industry it has ever been and at the age of extreme sexual liberation? Or has it always been the case, but we now hear more of it? This paradox doesn't make sense... Or does it if we look closer? (more…)
There are men who see my three roles of a companion, massage therapist, and coach as conflicting or contradicting instead of a holistic package. Those men don't look beneath the surface. Here's why these roles are absolutely not conflicting and happily cohabit in a beautiful package which holistically looks after the professional man working in the corporate and business world.
I always tell men who present the argument of my three roles conflicting with or contradicting one another that just like Apple looks after a man's technological needs, I look after a man's wellbeing. There's nothing conflicting nor contradicting about Apple selling computers, software, accessories, cases, phones, music players, accessories for them, and workshops. Apple is one stop for all technological needs of a human being. Hence instead of conflicting or contradicting it offers a whole package.
All my roles beautifully complement and enrich each other in the same way. A massage therapist works with energy. A coach also works with energy in relationships with oneself and others. A companion hears about all sorts in conversations with the people whom she accompanies to the most diverse places and settings. The conversations which I have with people when I'm their companion enrich me as a coach. And vice versa when I use coaching in conversations to offer people new perspectives and ways to find solutions to things that they'd like to have better.
Energy is everywhere whether we see it or not. Light is energy. Wind is energy, every person has energy. The role of a massage therapist gives me the privilege to get intimate with people on a level which conversations don't access. This profound level allows me to be attuned to people like no standard coach who doesn't combine coaching with massage. And also like no massage therapist who doesn't have training in coaching. Men open up when they relax during massage. And when they open up, they release all kinds of things. I can help as a coach. And there's a good chance that I've heard their plights in conversation with someone whom I accompanied on a date or trip...
Massage enriches health. I coach on health, relationships, work, money, success. Hence I use a lot of knowledge of massage in coaching on health. And vice versa. When a man comes to me for a massage, I gladly offer suggestions, advice, or recommendations of nutrition, fitness, and other aspects of physical and mental health. I wouldn't do so if I didn't draw on knowledge and experience as a coach!
Many men, most often strangers, very quickly observe that I'm very astute. The astuteness is due exactly to the complementation of my three roles. A person who massages naked bodies, coaches naked souls, and accompanies [sometimes naked] people is inevitably far more astute than a person who performs any of these roles singly.
My role as a coach sharpens my communication and makes me astute to misunderstandings before they happen. I relate to people's differences better than a person who isn't a coach. I solve awkward situations, conversations, subjects more elegantly and easily than a person who isn't a coach. As a companion I gather experiences from all walks of life. They enrich my life and coaching. When a man reveals a subject super sensitive to him, I accept it easily because I've most likely heard it a hundred times before...
My roles as a companion and coach teach me to relate well to people of all styles of communication with all types of character. Relating well makes people comfortable with me. And when we're comfortable with the massage therapist, we'll easily relax during a massage! My role as a massage practitioner encourages me to look after my health - practise what I preach - and gather experiences of whether the tips that I share in articles on this page of my site work, what health is like, and the difference between being healthy and not being ill. Of course, I can then happily enrich coaching men on their health with my experience of it.
if you have viewed my roles as a companion, massage therapist, and coach as conflicting or contradicting, you'll hopefully understand why they are indeed the opposite. Why they beautifully complement each other and form a holistic package which no other woman out there offers. And which the people of today's world desperately need! Even the adult industry does not fulfil its role in society now. Hence intelligent men look for something different. So if you are a professional man who wants this package, let's start a conversation!
Why is the value of coaching for men who use adult services so high? And why is it impossible to quantify by a precise figure? Because it is intangible, yet so very tangible in the lives of these men! As value is intangible, it is not easy to grasp. But I'll do my best to help you do so here... (more…)
Because nobody does and because asking questions is important for the benefit of the men who see me. Why are many men shocked and suspicious when I ask many questions at the beginning of our acquaintance?
Women in this field do not ask questions, hence asking many questions is not the norm. Women in this field are in it for money. Most make it blatantly obvious so that you don't have a chance to doubt that fact! So they'll tell you anything you want to hear to hook your interest and lure you into paying them a visit. These women care about your cash, not about what you want. They are robots who sell intimacy and deliver the opposite in a conveyor belt operation. They care about the numbers, the profits. Never mind the fact that you're a human being with feelings and desires. So they don't ask questions about who you are and what you want. Besides, they don't have the intellectual capacity to ask the right questions. So is it a surprise that someone who asks questions shocks?
Here's an example of what I'm writing about here. Many men relate well to cars, so let's say that you want to buy a car. You go to a dealer. A bad salesman will recite a list of features and meaningless taglines. But the list of features won't address what you want in and from a car - your preferences. A good salesman will ask questions. About what you want in and from a car. He will ask about every detail - the style, colour, features, specs. Then he'll show you cars that match your preferences as closely as possible. Or if he doesn't have a car that matches your preferences, he'll tell you.
When he asks questions about what you want in and from a car, he cares firstly about your preferences and secondly about selling. You feel that he cares about your preferences first, because there're more salesmen who care firstly - if not only - about selling... And we all spot them from a mile. The good salesman knows that it pays to care about your preferences because he will far more likely sell you a car that matches your preferences than a car that doesn't. Logical, isn't it?
Well, not to every man, as it seems from my years of experience. Albeit my friend is the executive or professional man over 35 who makes informed choices of what and especially whom he buys, I get calls from all sorts. Bless them all because every man who responds to my listing from the ocean of listings online deserves my gratitude for his interest. But since not every man makes informed choices about what and especially whom he buys, I'm inspired to shed light on this topic.
The benefit is that I find out what you want. And when I know what you want, I can give it to you, which will make you happy. After all, if you are to pay a stranger for a treat to yourself, an experience of a lifetime, an experience that doesn't happen every day, you should get that, not half of that or something that you didn't want.
Since when a man contacts me for the first time we begin a conversation. I don't know him, hence I don't know how he thinks and communicates. So I ask questions to find out - to get to know him. For the benefit of both of us. Not all men communicate clearly. And I have to find out where he is on the continuum of clear communication to know how to communicate with him so that we understand each other. Communication builds trust. And isn't trust super important in this context?
They're totally personal and tailored to us - me and the man. Conversely, your treat to yourself should be a unique totally personal experience which doesn't happen every day. Nnot a standardized service. You should feel special. You should not feel that the woman who you're with treats you like every man by rote. Hence think about it logically: don't unique experiences merit unique questions about what you want to experience? You may have burnt your fingers on women who gave you services, not experiences. Thus you came to seek a unique experience from me. You may have unique ideas of how to spend our time. And if I don't ask you many questions, how will I know? I don't see into minds. And again, not all men communicate clearly.
Money never was my primary motivation for being a companion, masseuse, aromatherapist, photographer, and men's coach. Hence I don't place primary importance on profits and hooking men's interest by lying. I am the light bringer for a reason - to bring light into men's lives. Light, not more of the shite with which the international air space is crowded. I ask men questions to find out whether we have something in common and would be a good match if we met. What's the point if we're not to be a good match? If our differences are too great to be tolerable? We wouldn't get on and I wouldn't take anyone's money for what didn't feel right. Men usually come to me after the millionth disappointment, so I wouldn't want to add a million first.
And last but never least I ask men many questions to find out whether they have integrity, can be trusted, and I'd feel safe and comfortably with them. And so should you, dear reader, ask many questions of every stranger whom you consider letting into life. Because while objects can't hurt, blackmail, or deceive you, people can! Hence use common sense and give yourself time to get to know the people to whom you want to be close, even if for a short time.
Why should men see courtesans for celebration? Men who see courtesans usually expect to be intimate with them. Yet why do 99% of men call for intimacy when they break up with partners, are frustrated, despondent, or angry with a circumstance? (more…)
The society will continue to go digital. People buy even human connection digitally nowadays. And will continue to do so even more. But isn't it ironic? That people want to connect with other human beings, yet don't even want to speak to them before they buy them? Here's why I'll always want to do things soul to soul. Why I don't communicate with strangers by text messages. (more…)
Conversations are at the centre of a man's satisfaction on a date with a companion. They are also at the centre of satisfying regular massages. And they are intimacy. But how many men and women who allegedly buy and sell connection and intimacy have conversations? Why are conversations important for both parties? (more…)
Why I charge what I charge is a number of reasons that some people do not see. And I'll also tell you why my rates are of excellent value because there will always be men who don't see the value. Of course, in a world where everything is so expensive and prices rise we all want the best for the least. That's human nature. When someone objects to one's rates, the lazy way - usually driven by fear of losing them - is to discount. Another reason is that most people don't know their value and thus don't know how to justify their value to an objecting person. I know both. Hence here's why I charge what I charge and why my rates are of excellent value.
I've written long ago that I don't believe that any woman's hour is worth thousands of currency. There are men who pay thousands for women's holes in city centres, but these men are few. Some pay the crazy money to make themselves feel better by proving their solvency. They have their reasons. Other men pay the amounts because the more they pay, the more they punish themselves. Those who need to be punished create punishing circumstances. And many men pay those sums because they think that the more they pay, the better they'll get. But every realist knows that this isn't always the case in any field.
Astronomical figures are a marketing tool. The founding principle is that the higher the fees, the higher the seller's image. Sellers can then advertise themselves as elite, exclusive, high class, and with similar superlatives. That is supposed to attract men of the same social status who will pay the astronomical fees. Money comes to money, success attracts success... Have you seen Rolls Royce sell its products for reasonable rates? Exactly the point! Are Rolls Royce products worth their cost? A different point - nothing is worth what it costs, but what people will pay.
I resolved to charge rates that are reasonable and affordable from day one on the companionship scene. There's no point in charging rates that one in a thousand will afford. Reasonable and memorable is better than unreasonable and not necessarily memorable. I never wanted to appeal to the masses. But I wanted to make my rates accessible to professionals, business owners, and executives who have enough financial commitments, yet need a friend like every human being.
Because I take a health and safety risk every time I agree to get closer to the man with whom I spend time. A risk to health is the highest risk any person can take. Money, things, careers, and even people are replaceable. Health is not. We have only one health. And we live with it 24/7 all our lives. Health is the most important thing in life and its foundation. If we don't have health, we don't have lives. Life is possible in good health. So if I risk my health, I risk the highest resource in life. This risk is what my rates reflect. What amount of money is worth you to risk your health for a cause, hobby, career, anything?
Another reason is that I charge for time, not for what happens during it. I sell experiences, not acts that other women sell as services. Time is money in every culture, profession, activity. And while the value of products and services goes down as more enter the market, the value of time will always go up. And all the more so in the world of uncertainty. Uncertainty makes us prioritize. Prioritizing makes us realize how precious time is.
Women who ironically sell intimacy treat men in ways exactly opposite of intimate. When men come to be intimate with them, the women forbid men to even touch them! Every man who has gone through this has stories to tell. Intimacy is best when a man and a woman connect. They don't have to love each other, but they have to connect. Yet women who ironically sell intimacy do nothing to connect with their clients...
I build connection with men from the articles on this website. And through the wording in my ads when I invite men to visit my website and start a conversation. And through having every detail carefully thought through. Conversations connect. I build connection when men call me to enquire. I talk to strangers and make many to years- or lifelong friends. I'm interested in people. That has value for you. Because the stronger the connection between you and me, the better the quality of our time together. After all, you found my ad or this article because you went online to find a soul to connect with. If you didn't crave connecting with a human being, you wouldn't find my ad, site, or this article.
The fact that I write about money may seem contradictory to some readers if I say in the same sentence that I am never motivated by money. And I repeat this fact on this page of my site. Intelligence is the ability to hold two [seemingly] paradoxical ideas at the same time and function normally. I've also said long ago that money is a boundary. Boundaries are vital for the success of any relationship. Like fences make good neighbours, so the money that I charge makes a clear boundary in our relationship.
Dealing with money is also managing the human nature. The lazy and cowardly way to address someone's objection to rates is to discount because one fears losing the interest of the objecting person. But discounts are psychology. Even when people discount, they still make a profit. If they didn't, they wouldn't discount. Another subtle but powerful message is that if they can afford to sell at a discount, they must be ripping us off all the time while they sell at full price! Otherwise why put the price up if they still make a profit at a discount?
Products are commodities. Time is not. I'm not, you are not, nor are our experiences. Commodities are replaceable. Your experience with me is not, because neither you nor I nor the connection between us nor the experience we create can be replaced. Plus I can't afford to rip people off. I don't have high enough turnover and low enough morale to do that. Hence I never discount. Discounting = devaluing. Why would I devalue time which will only go up in value? Would you?
How come that one woman who also claims to sell time charges 2000 per hour while another woman charges 200 per hour? Why does every woman charge a different rate for the same hour? Because every person values their worth differently. You'll certainly know people who don't put their worth in the spotlight. And you'll know people who know their worth well. The hour is the same, the person's view of their worth is different. When I started on the companionship scene I had lower worth than I do after 23 years of experience. But although my worth jumped immensely over the 23 years, the conditioning of the market will never allow me to jump from 200 to 2000 per hour. I have to be realistic.
And at the same time, be it a testimony to the fact that I am not motivated by money, I still charge what was the going rate on the fine end of the market in 2012! My value increased, but the price for it did not. The cost of living increased, but the rates I charge did not. So isn't this the first answer to the question:
Because while women who sell their holes [hole = air] charge far higher rates than I do, I sell several things at once. In a holistic package. I give you the choice to pick which ones you want to experience. Like Apple covers all meeds of technology - computers, phones, cases, accessories, software, I cover all needs of a man - health, wellbeing, happiness. All that leads to pleasure. And pleasure has value.
Look at the articles I write for you every 3 months! If you read any of them, you'll instantly get value for life! Free of charge and here for your reference anytime! I don't charge for reading them, nor for the time it takes me to write them. If men don't take advantage of the additional value that I generate for them, it's their choice outside my control. But women who sell their holes [hole = air] and charge far more than I do will never enrich your life the same way as knowing me will.
My rates are excellent value also because I don't charge for traveling time, only for traveling costs. So if I have to travel 5 hours to you and 5 hours from you, you only pay for the time with me, not for the 10 hours of my traveling. Many women who sell air also charge for traveling time and justify doing so by the fact that while they travel they can't earn. This argument applies to me too. But I choose to swallow the traveling time to make the rates more reasonable for you!
If you read what I wrote about coaching, you'll know the meaning of the holistic package that I offer. Apple for technology - I for men. The rates that I charge for coaching are the same as the rates for my time, because time is time no matter what happens. But I don't widely advertise the fact that I email highlights from every session to the coached men. I do so free of charge on unpaid time so that men can refer to the highlights forever after the session. To remind themselves of the discussed points and inquiries that will shift them forward if they ponder. This fact makes my rates for coaching even lower. I'm always meticulously prepared and preparation takes time which no one pays me for. That immensely enhances the monetary and intrinsic value of the coaching process.
Lifelong friends as well as acquaintances who don't yet know me well have told me that I undervalue myself considering who I am, my experience, wisdom, consideration, integrity, generosity, and the value of all that I offer. But c'est la vie. I did say that I prefer valuable AND memorable.... so I practise what I preach.
Many people from strangers to yearslong friends ask me to send them pictures of me. I never do. Here's why. (more…)
What are the most frequent mistakes that massage therapists make? Why is it good for men who go for massages to know them? How will you be able to quickly spot whether a massage therapist is good or fake?
I've contemplated for years whether to publish this information on my site, because while good artists copy, the best artists steal. And "artists" who have no confidence in their creativity or simply want the easy way will steal! My site has been admired by men and unfortunately also women worldwide for years. And unfortunately there's plenty to steal from it. But the other side of this conflict won after all, because I owe men to let them know that not every massage therapist is worth their money.
So here are the most frequent mistakes that massage therapists make:
The most frequent mistake that massage therapists make here is that they do not sufficiently prepare the recipient's body for being comfortable during a massage. The massage therapist should observe how the recipient lies on the surface and spot the places that look awkward or scream for support. Most unstudied therapists will leave their massage partner's head lie awkwardly, which will cause tension in his neck and make him turn often. That's hardly relaxing! If the therapist doesn't correctly support the recipient's feet, the feet will wobble. That can cause the feet to twitch and the recipient to move.
Many recipients of quality massage fall into light or deep trance, or even light sleep. If a massage therapist doesn't sufficiently support all parts of the body, the recipient will move = stay awake. That will prevent him from relaxing. And he may even develop more tension in some parts of the body than he had before the massage!
Warmth is another important prerequisite for quality relaxing massage. If the room isn't sufficiently warm, even the best massage in the world will be ruined. And ditto if the recipient isn't warm enough. Lying still for a long time will inevitably make many people cold. So a good massage therapist will always cover the recipient with warm blankets and only expose the area on which she works. The feet get cold more quickly, because they're small and the farthest from the heart. So I always ensure that my massage recipients' feet are well covered.
Every man who has visited a massage parlour which sells everything but massage knows well that the people in those places won't invest in proper essential oils because that would seriously cut into their profits. They'll massage with baby oils or similar products from supermarkets. Now even many personal lubricants are marketed as lubricants and massage oils in one. And many a woman in these "massage" parlours won't hesitate to put this multifunction to the test. These products certainly won't bring your skin nor muscles absolutely any benefit and can even irritate due to the additives in them!
Speaking of additives and irritation, a good massage therapist will always ask a recipient whether he is allergic to anything. His response will help her avoid oils that could cause harm.
The correct way to apply the essential oils is to pour them into the palm of one hand, rub the palms to warm up the blend, and apply the blend to the skin. Most unstudied masseuses will pour the oils from the bottle directly on the recipient's skin. This is also unpleasant for the recipient, because the oils will be cold, hence cause a shock. And rubbing the oils between the palms has another important function - to activate the properties of the oils. The properties won't be active if a therapist pours the oils directly from the cold glass bottle on the skin!
The absolutely most frequent mistake that massage therapists make is massaging or pressing on the spine. Think about it - the spine is a very sensitive part of the body. It's fragile, and will be even more fragile in people who don't exercise, because it will be less flexible and resilient. I don't know why so many people who claim that they studied massage are so drawn to massaging so close to or even directly over the spine when they have the whole vast plane of the back to showcase their artistry on! The spine can easily be damaged by pressure, therefore should be left alone. And the spine has no muscles! A massage is for muscles, not for bones! A massage therapist who knows what she is doing will massage around the spine.
Not having a system in the massage is another telltale sign of someone who doesn't know what she's doing. A massage is like a workout for the muscles. A good workout has a warmup, the deep work, cooldown, and stretching to lengthen the muscles and stimulate circulation. A good massage will start with warming strokes, proceed to the deep work, calm the area down with lighter strokes, and either stretch or stimulate the circulation. Some types of massage are exceptions to this rule, but a skilled and creative therapist can incorporate a warmup and cooldown into them too.
Massaging too lightly or too hard is also a mistake. A good therapist will assess the right amount of pressure for every recipient the first time. And massaging away from the heart is a subtler one of the mistakes that massage therapists make. Strokes should always go toward the heart to stimulate circulation.
Yes, at least one. Therapists, good and bad, are also only human. Many of them succumb to dumping their negative comments on the recipients during a massage. They forget that the recipient came there to relax and escape from the negativity in the surrounding world. A good massage therapist will therefore never tell the recipient that he has tension there or there, or that he has a knot in this or that muscle... Comments like these bring negative energy into the massage and do not heal.
Have you seen these mistakes in women who sold you massage? Or can you add to this list? Or have you never had a proper massage? If you haven't, great! I write these articles for the beginner and seasoned consumer alike. Everyone can learn from them - and if you're a beginner, these articles will add double value to you, because you'll be able to spot the rogue traders from the experts. Tell me your experience whatever it be.
While most women who usually sell different things from what I sell have pictures on their sites from one room in one outfit in several poses, I'm proud to have differentiated myself on this point from the start. But how much effort goes into the pictures that you see on my site?
I have the advantage of contributing to the world as a commercial model. This of course makes it easier for me to obtain pictures from different locations and sceneries. But still, I have the creativity to put the pictures that I do on my site. Plus I firstly have to get hired for an assignment! That's not an easy feat in a world where every other citizen models these days. Models of all shapes, sizes, ages, and looks are ten a penny, or dime a dozen in every city of every country. So brands or individuals who need pictures will hire me only if I have exactly the look they need.
Once I'm hired, I have to get to the location of the assignment. Do brands pay for models' traveling? They do not 9 out of 10 times. Time is money. [See this and this.] And if the assignment is in another city or country, my time starts ticking from the moment when I learn that someone hired me. I must plan my schedule, prepare things I'll need for the trip, sometimes even organise my transport, get there, and do 100 other preparations for the shoot. This is another reason why I require notice to see you!
The shoot itself will, of course, take time. Some shoots take an hour, others two, three, even four. I've been on a nine-hour shoot. Modelling is not as glamorous as the media portray it to be to the public. Sometimes I must model in unpleasant weather, places that aren't comfortable or easy to reach, and hold difficult poses. It all requires fitness, concentration, determination, and simply love of life and art - and the men of this world whom I think of when shooting. I motivate myself to get through the discomforts by the thoughts of hearing and reading statements of admiration. And that's good enough. After all, if I didn't love what I do, why would I even live, let alone do it?
The creative process doesn't end at the end of the photoshoot. When I get the pictures from the photographers, I sort and name them. Then I choose one picture from each shoot from which I have permission to use pictures for the next batch on my site. I blur the face and and add a copyright mark to each picture. Then I upload and optimize the pictures for search engines. And finally I attach each picture to the Who page before midnight of the day on which the new pictures will be released.
And here endeth the path of the pictures that you see on this site. Did the number of steps in the process of their creation surprise you? Maybe. But I view it all as labour of love and a little contribution of light to the lives of men who will enjoy looking at them. I could easily take the easy path that all other women take - shoot x pictures in the same room and outfit in different poses. But that wouldn't fulfill me. I thrive on being different. And the harder way in life is always the more rewarding. What do you think? Tell me.
Time, money, and energy are our most valuable resources. I have written how men can always have enough money for their pleasures. So doesn't it make sense to enrich the subject by writing about how men can always have enough time for their pleasures?
Time flies fast. And we all want to squeeze as much as possible into the limited time we have on this planet. 50% of men's approach to including pleasures in their busy lives is opportunistic. And 50% very consciously schedule pleasures. Planning always works where opportunity does not. We make time for what we want to make time for. Hence isn't it ironic that not having enough time for pleasures is men's number one objection? Pleasure is as important as is work, food, health. Pleasure is a component of health. Men who don't see this fact therefore don't see it at their peril.
And I wrote this article exactly for those men. They'll typically say "I'll let you know", "I'll see what I can do", or "I'll try" to schedule pleasures into my life. But this strategy clearly doesn't and will never work. Why continue doing more of what doesn't work? Years will pass and you will deprive yourselves of good times in life. On the other side of the continuum there's the argument that no matter how busy we are, we always find time for what we want. So this points to the fact that the solution is in changing your strategy. From my experience as a men's coach and companion for many years...
So are you willing to try this strategy? If you find it successful, you can apply it to other aspects of life and offer it to colleagues and also your near and dear who always have issues with timekeeping. Or are you one of the men who always make enough time for their pleasures? What can you add to this article? Inspire me so that I can inspire others.
Discretion: every man who sees companions, courtesans, or has a mistress wants it. Even men who go for genuine massages want discretion! And many women promise it. But how does discretion reflect itself in the small details that men and women play out in daily lives and communications? Are people really as discreet as they think they are? What innocent acts can easily betray discretion? You may well be surprised at what useful pearls you will pick up from this article.
Communication by email and on social media is very prone to inadvertent betrayal of discretion. Gentlemen, you are as responsible for keeping communication online discreet as is the companion, courtesan, mistress, or even masseuse. If you want to have a companion, mistress, courtesan, or massages in full privacy, you’re fully responsible for protecting yourselves, your family members who certainly don’t deserve to be hurt, and even the involved woman. Therefore give her an email address to which only you have access. Then your family members won’t find your correspondence. It’s easy and free of charge to create an email account. And before you give a companion or masseuse your work email address, think who has access to it. Does your PA or secretary? If yes, set up a free email account on proton mail and you’ll have no problem.
And when you have given your companion or masseuse a safe email address, turn off notifications on your computers, smart phones, or tablets which will show a snippet of a new message on the screen before you unlock the device. This is one of the most inadvertent occurrences that can easily betray discretion. If your phone gets into the hands of a family member who sees a snippet of a new message from your companion or even masseuse, you’ll be in trouble. And the same applies to WhatsApp and all other chat apps on which you communicate. Turn off all notifications from these apps which will show new messages on your computer, phone, or tablet screens before you unlock the devices.
Another creative solution is to redirect sensitive content to your junk mail. If you do this, then of course you must remember to check the junk mail! Simply treat the spam box as a second inbox. Voilà – problem solved. You’ll have everything under the roof of one account, and your secrets will be well hidden.
In today’s world of cloud technology many folks swear by the convenience of cloud backups. If you’re one of them, remember that this can also work against you. If you have all conversations on SMS, WhatsApp, and other apps set to be backed up on cloud, then do what you can to prevent family members’ from accessing them, or they may see your conversations too!
Another point closely connected to this is that cloud technology enables you to see conversations by SMS, on WhatsApp, or other apps on any or all of your devices. Few of you will carry all devices with you at all times. And the rest of you expose yourselves to danger, because you can’t control who may see your conversations when notifications about new messages arrive on the devices which you don’t have with you!
If you don’t think carefully, you can betray yourself to even more people on social media, because your communication will be visible to far more people than those who have access to your phone, tablet, or email account. One way to bypass this issue is to create a nondescriptive handle on all social media. A handle which won’t contain your name nor otherwise hint at your identity. And then, of course, all that I wrote in the previous paragraphs will also apply.
Another way, especially if you have enjoyed solid presence on social media under your name for years, is to manage discretion with the settings on each social medium. People who complain that they don’t have privacy online complain wrongly, because they have forgotten that they have full control of when and how often they post what and who will see it. Every social medium tells users that it’s up to them what they share with whom. It pays huge dividends to educate yourself about how each social medium works, what settings it offers, and how the settings can work to your benefit.
You can set that only you will see who your friends are on Facebook. Ditto for connections on LinkedIn. You can set exactly who will see which parts of your profile on LinkedIn. And you can make your tweets protected by a password. Then people who will want to read them will request the password. You don’t have to post on my timeline on Facebook so that all my friends will see your comment and name. After all, you don’t know who my friends are, thus can you afford to risk that some of them know you?
Plus your comment wouldn’t be discreet if all my friends, and possibly even the public, might read it! Send me a (private) message instead. Then only I will see the message. You can do the same on LinkedIn. Be even more careful about posting comments on X if you have an account in your name! Again, send a private message instead of publicly commenting on at my tweets. Only I will read the private message. Hence the reason why it is called private.
Men can be good communicators too! If you’re not, this area of discretion will certainly challenge you to learn to be! Start by telling me whether it’s safe to send SMS, WhatsApp messages, etc. If I know, I will respect your preferences. If I don’t know, unnecessary predicaments can happen. And if you don’t tell me these things, I won’t be able to read them from your mind. Step two is to store me in the contacts on your phone under a name which you’ll know what means, but your family members won’t. You don’t have to store me under my name. You could even store me under a man’s name. As long as you know that the name represents me, that’s what matters.
Tip No. 2: always delete your conversation with the companion, courtesan, mistress, or even masseuse after you finish it. You never know whether a family member hasn’t figured out the password of your device… And even going for medical massage can be mistaken for other things in a world where people hijack words and turn them into meaning what they don’t…
Imagine that you call me to massage you at a hotel. The world doesn’t know that I’m coming to massage you. The world will think that I’m coming to do something else. If you’re a regular guest at the hotel, be careful about giving me a false name! You never know whether an overactive concierge won’t question me. This will appear as indiscreet toward me, i.e. not your problem at first. But if I can’t get to you because of how the situation develops, you’ll have to come downstairs eventually…
It really doesn’t pay to hide. Honesty is always the best policy. Plus if you’re honest with me, I have no reason not to be honest with you. Honesty breeds honesty and mutual trust. Isn’t that what affairs of the heart should be based on? Or can you have an affair with a woman you don’t trust? Certainly food for thought. And the same applies to your masseuse. You have to trust her to relax during the massage.
Another setting – would you talk to me in the street? Would that be discreet or indiscreet? After all, you never know who can see you where… You could be seen by the most unexpected people in the most unexpected places. It happens to many citizens of this planet. It could happen to you… After all, if anyone asked you who I was, you could say that I was a colleague, acquaintance from work or social network that you belong to, or the neighbourhood, or even a complete stranger. Judge for yourself… and have a cover story ready.
How else could you be indiscreet? Or has a companion, courtesan, mistress, or even masseuse been indiscrete to you? I feel that this article is unfinished business – work in progress. I’m sure that I’ll add to it when life experience inspires me. And you can also help me! Share your thoughts. I’ll treat them with the utmost discretion!